When your lactation consultant becomes your Amy Schumer

How are you? No, really. How. Are. You?

It’s a question that can be a bit befuddling. Particularly in the Midwest where we instinctively answer, “Doing great. You?”

But this woman genuinely wanted to know how I was feeling. Specifically, she wanted to know how my breasts were feeling. She’s my lactation consultant. She’s the Amy Schumer to my Jennifer Lawrence. This woman has my back, providing laughs along the way.

Let’s rewind a bit. While pregnant, my husband and I decided we wanted to breastfeed Baby M. Given the positive physical, emotional, and psychological benefits, we thought it would be best for baby and I. But, if there wasn’t liquid gold brewing in my swelling breasts, I promised myself I wasn’t going to try to be a hero.

When M arrived she was a pound and half smaller than what we expected. A few days in, she dipped down to 5.11 pounds and shit got real. I had cracks the size of craters, and she and I didn’t have a clue what a good latch looked like. With tears streaming down my face from agony and defeat, my husband and I decided to give M formula for the day and we made an appointment to see a lactation consultant.

That’s when our bond began. Since then, my LC and I have talked yeast (hello gross white sores on M’s mouth), Raynaud’s Disease (imagine searing breast pain while washing your hands in cold water — not cool), Danish wool breast pads (lifesavers that are the size of dinner plates), leaning back (sorry Sheryl Sandberg), milk blisters (you’re going to do what?), and supplementing (in reality, it’s all about your baby packing on the lbs).

Since our first meeting, my LC and I have become pretty tight. She along with some very dear girlfriends, my midwife sister-in-law, a loving husband, and supportive family members have helped M and I get to the point where we’re comfortable breastfeeding. And, most importantly, M is happy and healthy.

The last time I spoke with my LC I said, “It takes a village to breastfeed.” She smiled and said, “Of course it does.”