
To Shame the Rose is to Shame the Garden
Once they know they’ve got a hold of your shame, they can shake it out and hold it up for the all world to see. And you become less than it. You become something disgusting. — Kirsty Eagar, Raw Blue
Everyday in America people look away and then downward afraid to look into the eyes of those that shame them. To be vulnerable in America is a target for shame. It can come from family, friends, the church, or the president. The funny thing about shame, is it never leaves us. It stays in the darkest, loneliest places of our soul waiting to be called out.
[She] had heard it said that there was only one emotion which, in recollection, was capable of resurrecting the full immediacy and power of the original — one emotion that time could never fade, and that would drag you back any number of years into the pure, undiluted feeling, as if you were living it anew. It wasn’t love… and it wasn’t hate, or anger, or happiness, or even grief. Memories of those were but echoes of the true feelingIt was shame. Shame never faded. — Laini Taylor
It seems we are the nation of shaming. Anyone who is perceived as different has been shamed. If you are gay, transgender, disabled, immigrant, African American, non-Christian, past 50, and even a women, you have felt at moments, less than. It seems things are getting worse. How can a nation of people who feel and are treated as second class create a first class country?
So often children first feel shamed for who they are at school. Laughed and teased, the children begin to desire invisibility. Rather than confidence, the children begin to question self worth. Much that is wrong in the world stems from broken adults who began as children made to feel different and less important.
We do not have to be ashamed of what we are. As sentient beings we have wonderful backgrounds. These backgrounds may not be particularly enlightened or peaceful or intelligent. Nevertheless, we have soil good enough to cultivate; we can plant anything in it. -Chögyam Trungpa
Adults who found themselves unemployed during the global recession or during lay offs are often treated as if they did something wrong. The blame should be on the leadership in companies, not the employee. But our society blames the victim.This often happens in rape cases where the victim is blamed for wearing exercise attire or clothes deemed too revealing. The shame is shifted to the victim.
Parents often shame their adult children for something like infertility or not being married. It usually stems from the parents own lack of self love. None the less, it has a lasting impact on the one being shamed.
The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken place. -Ernest Hemingway

We are a society of broken people. So many broken people who have never healed. We continue to see the world through broken glass. Our distorted view of the world let’s us take our own pain and use it to hurt another.
If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you. -Unknown
To go through life feeling ashamed of who we are is the same as walking through life with our faces covered. When people feel shame they become a wilting flower unable to bloom.

Trying to survive in a world trying to break us takes a new perspective in life. We must feel so certain about who we are that those who shame others lose all power. So instead of churches and schools being the place where shaming grows, we must rethink this. No matter who a person is, they are a person of worth. The discourse must celebrate and nurture the human spirit. Brene’ Brown says it best:

In the imperfection of being human we either see roses or thorns. To make the world a better place, always see roses. The beauty of a rose can feel no shame, nor should the vulnerability of the human spirit.
We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses. — Alphonse Karr

In the garden of life, why would a society shame the wildflower, or the rose?

All photos Unsplashlash and @Pinterest
