On Parting II
How can a separation be so difficult to contain? How can even a mutually agreed upon arrangment come off seamlessly? It doesn’t quite. It’s as if God said, OK we’re gonna make this as easy, pleasant, and fun as possible. Go on humans, you can think outside the box on the subject of
soulmates parting ways. Words reach me that sing and yet dissolve me:
You are a woman with whom I love to run through the country with, to dance with, to hold and kiss like there is no other. You tell me there is a young man who is your lover, but maybe the time is coming where he is not any more. It is for both you and he to realise what is what. There are some who can have many lovers but I think that I am not. With so many children, distance, and time apart, life can be complete / complex enough. Try to be sure. I would not wish to interrupt the flow of something that is sacred, something seems to need to be resolved. I know it can be difficult, compassion to you both.
… We’re off tomorrow to meet the lads and be in the highlands, thank god. I love you ~ Mind, heart, body & soul. Yours truly …
10 / 08 / 16
The letter that came to my hands containing words like those above brought me to the earth drowned in an ocean of tears. Of course I cried while with my young lover in times past as well, but this was a new kind of weeping.
How can this be true? Can you understand me? If I am crazy please please tell it to me, or else tell me gently what it is I’m missing?
For in my inner world, such handwritten words are like the statements and questions of a master lover, a life rider, a partner with whom I’d grow too fond of being beside.
Yet how can such a person come along at this time, and say the words that I yearned for to come from for such time as my young lover and I grew apart? Surely some illusion, too good to be true in a sustainable real way?
I’d informed this new would-be lover that I was in partnership already, and days later, he takes my feelings, and transforms them into facts and pertinent questions and perspectives. He continues and paints a large wall of colour and sound for me; surely to step in where my young lover left off and simply take over (however that may or may not be possible) is some kind of sacrilege or social error and warning or foreboding? And yet this appears to be precisely what is happening. Is there a time lapse and soul trade over in quantum space which I am but the common ground for?
How many days later, received I another handwritten missive, this time in contained in the form of birthday card, from precisely that young lover of whom we referred earlier:
“ We have agreed to part ways for now. To me this is another phase of the most potent exchange that is our friendship, loveship, relationship. Perhaps it is a bit like choosing to have a chrysalis cocoon stage. Personally, although I fear the lack of your elevating presence and I will miss you, I look forward to this stage and I’m sure you will enjoy it and greatly benefit from it too.
Go forth, DO your spiritual practise, make love, make music, create sublime food with all your heart. Be a fully present being. You are of such enormous value to the human race. Love yourself and realise this and all will be as it should.
May this be a year of joy and freedom. I love you ”
28 / 08 / 2016
So can’st thou perceive my deep emotional troubling that I can surely not deserve to receive such a potent love (or even “love”) from another so instantly? Easy right?
And yet, in my face, coming towards me, suggested and encouraged by my man though I hadn’t known it when I met this new man in my life right after my birthday had passed.
AS if my first young lover sent forth winged messenger to carry me over this terrible abyss of black darkness in the sweetest way possible. Not quite sure how my new suitor would feel about that hypothesis. Quite a privilege to be a nurse of the heart, but also a position of immense integrity, responsibility, and power to fortify or destroy.
Upon enquiring of same, my first young lover agreed; that his prayer for me had very likely arrived in the form of an other beautiful being.
I would nearly require a written promissory note to iron out all remnant of doubt. And yet how can this make sense?
It simply does not.
Do I inform my family and close friends that the major intimacy of my recent life is now over, and yet there is already sprung a new one in its place?
Perhaps I do nothing but read this wrongly.
And after all, there are no promissory notes on the street level of love. No promises or guarantee. No sense at all whatever. The choice is simply put there before me.
Do I choose to step through the boundary / door / bridge? Or to remain at the threshold?