COMPANIES KNOW THINGS — MAYBE ABOUT YOU?

TODAY, I’M HERE TO THINK AT YOU ABOUT INTERNET FREEDOM

QUICKLY, WHAT’S THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THE INTERNET?

CORRECT, FREEDOM.

RIGHT NOW, WE’RE PURRING ALONG AT ABOUT 60 FREEDOMS PER INTERNET, BUT WHEN WE REACH PEAK INTERNET — AND THAT DAY IS COMING SOONER THAN YOU MIGHT THINK — YOU CAN BET THAT RATE IS GOING TO PLUMMET AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE LOOKING FOR MORE CRAFTS TO MINE FOR OUR BITCOINS.

IT’LL BE GRIM

PEOPLE FIGHTING EACH OTHER FOR SCRAPS OF THE SHARING ECONOMY, BROTHER AGAINST BROTHER FOR AN AIR BED OR AN AIR BREAKFAST

A CAVALCADE OF YO!S SNAPCHATTED TO THE HIGHEST CRAIGSLIST BIDDER

SEGUE

IMAGINE A DYSTOPIAN FUTURE

IT’S PRETTY BAD, RIGHT? ALL SCARY AND AUTHORITARIAN — MAYBE CHRIS MESSINA RULES IT WITH A FIST WROUGHT OF HANDCRAFTED ETHICALLY SOURCED ETSY IRON

MAYBE THE DIGITAL GHOST OF SERGEY BRIN HAUNTS THE SLEEPING BUT ALWAYS CONNECTED MINDS OF CHILDREN, EVER SPELUNKING INTO THEIR SECRET HEARTS AND SERVING RELEVANT TARGETED DREAMVERTISEMENTS

IT’S REALLY AWFUL.


THE REASON FOR IT HAPPENING IS OF COURSE COOKIES

EVERYWHERE, COMPANIES WANT YOUR COOKIES AND WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO GET THEIR HANDS IN YOUR JAR

YOUR “COOKIE JAR” — AS THE NERDS CALL IT — IS THE LOCATION WHERE ALL YOUR PRIVACY AND SECRETS ARE KEPT. THIS IS USUALLY ON YOUR COMPUTER, BUT MORE AND MORE THESE DAYS IT IS IN THE CLOUD — A LOCATION SHROUDED IN MYSTERY

YOU MUST GUARD YOUR JAR JEALOUSLY

THERE’S REALLY ONLY ONE OBVIOUS WAY TO AVOID THIS NIGHTMARE — CROWDFUNDING

I CAN’T REALLY WRAP THIS UP WITHOUT MENTIONING THE NSA


PHP CEO is a regular contributor to the general din.

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