Giving it away
How can you give something away when you haven’t been able to say it was yours? To let it go, give to someone else. To live a life without it, never to see it again.
I could never claim it. I could never keep it forever. I could never quite get out of me what I needed it for. And yet I still won’t give it away. I want to keep it with me always. I want to see it everyday. I want to be with it.
You can’t expect anything to stay permanently. You know you must accept that nothing lasts forever. One way or another everything leaves. You lose something now, you’ll never have it again. You have something now, you’ll lose it later. You know deep down, you have always known.
I want to say he’s forever. I want to say we’ll last forever. I want him to be mine forever. I want to be able to call him, my forever. I want there to be an us. I want to never have to part with him. I want to never be far from him. I want his love until the end for the world. I want to repay for the love he can give.
You want him to be happy, but you don’t know how to do it. You want to keep him, but you don’t know how. You want to tell him your thoughts, but you don’t know how to. You want to tell him you love him, but you don’t know the right words. You want forever, but you don’t know why.
I wish that I could say that I can stand on my own two feet, on my own. But what’s the point of that when you have no one to talk to, to be with, to feel with? I want a person to share my laughs, to hold my hand when things get tough, to just sit there in silent when my thoughts take the breath from my speech.
You want company on the lonely nights. You want a helping hand when it gets hard. You want a smile each day from the only person it matters from. You want the arms that help you live, wrapped around you. You want a laugh from the voice that makes you happy. You want the kiss from that one person. You want all of him, he is your picture of perfection.
But know, it’s time to let go. To say goodbye, and forget. It’s that time when I know it has ended, there is no more. To leave him behind, forever. I’m not giving it away. I’m giving it away. I don’t know how to give it away.