I’ve never felt so much pain. Right in the center of my chest, my heart. Maybe if this room was completely silent, I might hear it splitting. It screams inside me, telling me what I need.

There’s a big road in my way. No longer just a simple path to lead me home, a long and arduous road. Looks straight from here, but my heart tells me there’s going to be many bumps and bridges. Do I even have the time to finish the journey? Will I not last the scorching sun beating me down?

I have to do this all on foot. No hitch-hiking, no car, no bus, no motorcycle. A journey to travel by myself, all on my own. Should I try? Is it really all worth the pain? The sore feet, forlorn time, desolate mind in a desolate landscape.

To go on alone, unassisted. Unguided. Unguarded. Unattached from everyone else. What if I’m not strong enough for the solitary mission? Will the heat in my heart cope with the pressure to finish, still be there in the end? Or will I be left cold and empty by the one I love?

To fall in love is easy. I don’t understand how people can carry on their normal lives being in love, to concentrate on anything else but that one person. I don’t know how people can love so many people during their lives, to go through so much pain, regret, torture.

Is my road going to be filled with beautiful roses? Or will I be seeing many roses without their flowers, only their thorns? Is my road going to have a clear sky above? Or will I be seeing many black rain clouds? Is my road going to have other people to walk me through, holding my hand? Or will I be seeing people who don’t believe in me, who want to push me down? Is my road going to have friends? Or will the demons visit everyday, tempting me with more than I can imagine?

Everyone goes down their roads blindly. I don’t want a long, bumping, winding road. I want a path, simple, straight, smooth. With no pain, just pure love and affection, tender and bewitching. To have my dreams come true, a fairy-tale ending.

I don’t think I’ll be getting what I wish for.