Facebook, Grief and Algorithmic Cruelty

Just short of three years ago, my husband of 26 years, stood up, said I don’t feel well, and was dead before he hit the ground, he was just 65 years old.

I walked around in a fog for two solid years. During that first year I had to do the obligatory things one has to do when there is a death in the family. Close accounts, notify agencies, attempt to remember the people in your life that need to know, and know that you just can’t remember them all.

I am not of the generation where everything is on line, every minute of the day, so some friends were lost in the shuffle.

After one year I posted a simple photo on Facebook with one line about how the dear man was missed. I asked that people not comment, that would be too painful, I simply asked that they remember him, and that for those I didn’t remember to tell, I apologized.

One year later, on Facebook, that photo pops up with confetti and balloons and a notification of “on this day”. It was a kick in the stomach that felled me for days.

I am not the only one that has experienced this, I have read of many military people being slammed in the face with this disgusting, in your face, sales gimmick, and yes, don’t tell me it doesn’t have a monetary purpose behind it, Facebook doesn’t know me, it is a giant corporation of algorithms, and algorithms are not philanthropic or sentient.

Facebook has said it has taken measures to see that this doesn’t happen by monitoring those that you no longer are friends with, well, that would never have stopped this, this is simply cruel and unwarranted.

Facebook needs to just drop the feature, I doubt people need to be reminded of events they posted a year ago, Facebook is ephemeral, what is the point of reposting ephemeral items. Since this is happening to others, it is proof that this company is being run by young people with no life experiences, apparently their only thoughts in creative sessions is how to continue to hold subscribers and continue to profit from them.

Facebook, you need to rethink your policies, algorithmic cruelty is real, and affecting way to many of us for you to continue your policies.