In Defense of Los Angeles

The traffic is terrible. The people are shallow. It’s not a city.

Fine. We don’t want your preconceived notions of what LA is and isn’t. If you need us we’ll be at the beach, followed by sitting in the sun at a Dodger game, and then soaking in cutting edge comedy on the east side while you take your subways and smoke your cigarettes in the freezing cold. But for realz, let’s discuss these finer points and see if we can change your mind about El Ciudad de Angeles.

The traffic is terrible:

No shit sherlock. This place is big, and people need to get from one place to another, because despite what you’ve been told, people do actually work here. If you’re visiting, you can time things to try to avoid traffic as much as possible. We don’t have 10 day traffic jams, so hop on Google Maps and use the “typical traffic” function to get an understanding of some of the patterns. And if you’re going to get stuck, do it in an Uber and learn something from your driver. The average Uber driver here is sure to have had some interesting passengers and even more interesting tips for things for you to do and see while in LA.

The people are shallow:

Every city has its schmuck class. Sure, tons of people come to LA for careers in modeling or acting, and they don’t all suck. Keep your Hollywood intake in check and you’ll be sure to meet folks from all different walks of life. And most of them won’t be douchebags — unless they’re driving.

It’s not a city:

“I don’t want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light”. Screw you, Woody Allen and your creepy marriage. The criticism that LA is not a city is true. It’s a collection of cities that slowly merged together through sprawl. Turn LA’s “disadvantage” of being a bigass sprawl of a place on its head and all of a sudden you have a diverse metropolis with seemingly endless pockets of awesome. How many cities in the world can you go from beachside, to a hillside hike, to celebrity spotting, to art deco classics, finishing it all off by eating tacos? The advantage of being in LA is that you carve out your own city from endless amazing options in neighborhood, culture, and history. And remember, tacos, guys. Come on.

So, if you’re still unconvinced, fine. The traffic is bad enough already.