Armstrong DQ’d After Elbow To USPS

After 9 days of racing, one skin suit controversy, one questionable disqualification, multiple crashes,two injuries removing top GC contenders, and an extended Saturday Night Live sketch, Lance Armstrong still holds on to yellow in this year’s Tour de France.

Lance Armstrong, who admittedly can barely be bothered to watch the race, is still as ever an irreverent American Hero. What makes him so relatable to the casual cycling fan, besides that his name actually sounds familiar? Lance Armstrong is still a dick, and apparently people love it. Let’s face it, he put cycling on the map for an entire generation in America, but he didn’t accomplish that being Mr. Nice Guy. And he’s not going to start now. Especially when the numbers for his Stages Podcast have finally warranted sponsorship after a measly 9 days into production. So please make sure to get all of your tickets, for various events in two clicks with SeatGeek.com

Originally I tuned in every day to get a detailed analysis of the day’s stage from an educational insider’s view. Basically to better understand the seemingly odd things that riders and teams do, like give up stage wins, or pace a GC contender, or what a GC contender actually is. Mostly because I have to work a job, which keeps me off of my bike as well as unable to watch the race in real time. Now I tune into to see if Lance is still pissing and moaning about having to ride his bike in the afternoon instead of the early morning, and wether or not he found it worth it to actually watch the race of which he is meant to be analyzing. After all I’d assume this is supposed to be a job of sorts. This is the essence of being a douchebag. Complain about the best job any of us could ever hope for. Sitting around, watching the greatest bike race in the world, discuss it with a friend around noon, and have the rest of the day to ride your bike to your heart’s content. This might be the only bit of Lance’s attitude that pisses me off.

The other bits, are the digs, jabs, and elbows thrown at his enemies. If you’re on his side regarding his past indiscretions, then you’ll be cheering. Especially when he took aim at USPS of which he is still embroiled in a lawsuit. If you haven’t been listening, A mother who listens to Stages with her children was concerned about Armstrong’s language. Armstrong playfully suggested that he start a ‘swear jar’ where he’ll place a dollar every time he uses foul language. The elbow that throws former team sponsor USPS into the gutter and against the barrier follows. He’ll send them a check via USPS and “it will get there in about a year”. Burn. That will definitely show USPS, a sponsor Lance has publicly praised in the media. Maybe he thought no one would notice the duplicity? He’s obviously got a bone to pick with the governing body of cycling, UCI. They are the ones who levied a life time ban after 12 year old urine samples tested positive for EPO, whatever that is. He’s taken every opportunity to voice his opinions about how to revive the sport and make it more interesting for the fan with an attention span of a goldfish. Every second has to be exciting in the modern age of technology. God forbid we have to listen to a retired/banned cyclist pontificate about what’s going on to keep up with a race that was initially created to sell newspapers. So far it’s been exciting. A crash almost everyday, three contenders out of the race and three more cut for time yesterday. The pace of the news drops the pace of the Yellow Jersey and that’s something I’ve grown to love about the grand tours. This isn’t the only one. There are three mens and literally thousands of other bicycle races all around the world. Maybe when the traditions,history, and mystique of the Maillot Jaune fade into the bullshit of commentators, we’ll just have to watch the Giro D’italia or the Giro Rosa. But what kind of champion wears pink instead of yellow? One that’s not Lance Armstrong. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be listening to Stages and I’ll still be learning from the winningest rider in the history of the Tour de France, who is also a dick. That’s why we listen. That’s why Armstrong is still in yellow after all these years. There is a reason he’s decided to chime in on the Tour de France and no other race this season. His lust for the yellow jersey. And I think he’s going to take this one all the way to the Champs Elysees.

Paddy’s Bike Blog

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A student of psychology and a draft horse of a cyclist. Enjoy the struggles and insights as I tackle life on a bike.