Trump Make America Great Again Committee Mainstream Media Accountability Survey, Revisited

In late February 2017, a team of President Trump’s fundraising organization and members of the Republican National Committee emailed a survey to supporters urging them to help “fight back against the media’s attacks and deceptions.” The 25-question poll asked respondents whether they trusted MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News to “report fairly” through an array of questions concerning their coverage.

The following is an abridged, slightly revised version.

1. Do you believe that the mainstream media has reported unfairly on our movement?
A. Depends, is the NSA reading this?

B. The fake news media is going crazy with CONSPIRACY THEORIES and HATEFUL LIES to cover up for a Democratic defeat in the election.

C. I like my news served with a steaming cup of propaganda.

2. Do you trust MSNBC to report fairly on Trump’s presidency?
A. I cannot tolerate the overwhelming agony of Rachel Maddow’s unprofessional, showy hand clapping!

B. I prefer “NCIS: New Orleans,” where crime is a central plot point and the world is depicted as a mean and scary place.

C. Honestly, I was not involved.

3. Do you trust CNN to report fairly on Trump’s presidency?
A. FAKE NEWS ALL THE WAY! Cannot trust those that can’t separate facts from their snowflake “feelings.”

B. Wolf Blitzer is something that happens during a football game.

C. I’m a 45-year-old male from rural Ohio who would divorce his wife for 15 minutes with Anderson Cooper’s smooth, beautiful manhood.

4. Do you trust Fox News to report fairly on Trump’s presidency?
A. Rupert Murdoch has lots of money.

B. I just returned from an unbelievable bear hunting experience in Russia.

C. The Fox & Friends trio seem like nice enough folks, in an overly caffeinated, Aryan sort of way.

5. On which issues does the mainstream media do the worst job of representing Republicans? Select all that apply.

  • Extreme grace during the rollout of the travel ban
  • Reducing government spending on luxuries such as healthcare
  • Planned Parenthood and baby murder
  • Religious freedom (Christians only)
  • Women and their devilish ways
  • “Global Warming”
  • What is foreign policy?
  • Second Amendment rights as seen in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

6. Which television source do you primarily get your news from?
A. The underground community of mole people I recently moved in with has poor eyesight and even poorer access to cable.

B. E! Entertainment between the hours of 11pm and 6am

C. Dark Matter has proved to be one of the Syfy channel’s better-scripted shows since the rebrand in 2009! Also, I have lost all concept of reality.

7. Do you agree with President Trump’s media strategy to cut through the media’s noise and deliver our message straight to the people?
A. I’M NOT YELLING, I JUST LIKE USING THE BIG LETTERS

B. Sure, but does he have to do it at 3am?

C. I bought a “Liberal Tears” mug for the office and now my coworkers won’t look me in the eye.

8. Do you believe that contrary to what the media says, raising taxes does not create jobs?
A. Yes, but also no.

B. I just spoke with the head people at Napster and they’re going to be creating 5,000 jobs. But first, we must board this time machine and travel back in time to a college dorm room in 1999.

C. A man walks a mile south, performs an elaborate dance routine that requires him to possess great physical strength while still appearing sensitive and edgy. He turns and walks a mile east, and then turns again and walks a mile north. After all of this he finds himself back where he started. What color is his shirt?

9. Do you agree with the President’s decision to break with tradition by giving lesser known reporters and bloggers the chance to ask the White House Press Secretary questions?
A. I feel confident knowing the White House Press Secretary will respond to hard-hitting questions by squinting hard and patronizing everyone.

B. Mainstream journalists who sully the President’s reputation are failing at their jobs and therefore deserve to be banished to a place of no return and little tax advantages.

C. Donald Trump knew InfoWars before it was cool.

10. Do you believe that our Party should spend more time and resources holding the mainstream media accountable?
A. I’m going to deflect this question with a mirror that I have placed on the deck of my 281-foot yacht, which is currently sailing across an ocean of diamonds surrounding a land of plenty where want does not exist.

B. Hillary Clinton.

C. Anybody up for a round of golf? Get me Air Force One — and while you’re at it, run out to Taco Bell and pick me up something good.