Transcript from a recent cold call.

If you have a land line for your business, like I do, then 99% of the time when it rings, it is someone cold calling. Trying to sell you something.

You don’t know them, they don’t know you. They’re sitting in a call center somewhere, and it’s their job. I get it.

You can recognize them instantly, because they take a second to actually say “hello” since the computer’s autodialer is doing most of the work for them.

Usually, it’s for credit card processing.

I’ve kinda run out of patience with these calls. Usually, I’ll just hang up. Sometimes, though, I like to engage for a little while first.


“Hi, are you the one who makes merchant processing decisions for your company?”

No, I let God do that.

Silent pause. She’s not sure if I’m serious or not. She’s expecting me to say something else. I don’t.

“Um, you’re quite the joker,” and she pauses, franticly trying to read the script for where it says how to deal with jokers.

“So, you’re not currently taking credit cards?”

No, it’s against my religion.

(another long, silent pause)

“Uh, okay, have a blessed day.”


I felt a little bit bad about it, but at the same time, I know I’m never ever going to do business for something like credit card processing with someone that cold calls me.