Pursing another degree with my PTSD
I am grateful for another awesome opportunity to advance myself and career. However, what the hell have I gotten myself into again? Really, I love learning and teaching what I have learned but I hate the energy I have to fight to stay focus with PTSD. Yes, I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that I acquired from 27 years of child abuse. Culprit? Dad. Anyhow, education has been my drug. That high my patients describe to me when we are discussing their addiction to heroine, is the same high I get from learning. Hopefully, that answers the questions of how does one become so accomplish with a group of mental health disorders. I wonder how many of my classmates have to pray to God, bath in lavender and peppermint, recite affirmations, have the house clean, and listen to India Arie’s There’s Hope before even starting the day. Yes, this ritual takes about 2 hours by then I could have written two coherent paragraphs on the ontological perspective of blah blah. But I am ok with it because that is what works for me. The hardest part is feeling alone and that noone else understands. When I turn down invites to Turn Up it is because I have to conserve that energy to be a wife, mother, nurse practitioner, and above stay sane. Anyhow, I guess this writing would be considered one of my distractions from the paper I have that is due Friday. Time for my ritual.