Solutions vs. Sympathy
One thing that’s for sure in this life is that whether we like it or not, there are going to be some tough times. We do our very best to avoid them of course, but from time to time, out of the blue, they just happen. Problems -big and small- are simply a part of life.
For some, those times are tougher than others, but regardless of the challenge, we all know what it is like to go through something that is difficult to deal with. For some it is a break-up or a divorce, for others it is being mistreated. For some it is losing someone close to you, for others it is “failing” at a goal. For some it is financial, while for others it is emotional. Bullying. Low self-esteem. Unrequited love. Losing a job, a house, or a friend. The list is seemingly endless.
So if everyone has problems, and everyone has their own tough times, then why isn’t everyone miserable and locking themselves away to shelter them from the inevitable pains that await them in life? Well, the simple answer is this: No matter how bad things are, or how bad things get, eventually, with time, things get better.
I am sure at some point in your life something horrible has happened to you and you were completely distraught. In those dark hours you were sure that you would never recover, and that your life would be hell from now on because you just couldn’t see a scenario where you were not in extreme physical or emotional pain. You could not imagine a day where your every thought was not consumed with your struggle and what had happened.
That is completely natural. As human beings it is a real battle for us to see past our momentary emotions at the best of times, but when the feelings are that raw we just can’t fathom a way out. But, as you can attest, things changed. You didn’t notice the changes, and it took time, but you found ways to keep busy and occupy your mind, and one day you found yourself living somewhat normally again. Life -as it unapologetically does- moved on, and so did you.
Part 2:
As someone with the knowledge and willingness to help people I am often asked for advice. The questions I am asked range from relationship advice, to how to cultivate a new mindset, and a plethora of topics in-between. Something I have noticed over the years is that although everyone that asks a question seems to want help, not everybody actually does.
Whatever the topic in question, I give the best advice I am capable of. It is almost always tried and true methods that I have experienced myself, or know through research that they have worked for thousands of other people. Some people take the advice -no matter how hard it is to swallow- and put it to work. They take action, make the advised changes, and as a result they take a step in the right direction.
Some people on the other hand have such a firm grip on their issues that there is simply no prying them out of their hands. “I appreciate your advice, and it is great advice for most people, but I don’t think it will work for me. I don’t think you understand how much I have been through. I don’t think you understand how bad my experience was.”
Something I have learned is this: Some people don’t want help, they just want sympathy.
I would like to think I am an empathetic person. I try to put myself in other peoples shoes, and see things from their point of view. But I think arguably one of my biggest strengths is my ability to quickly find solutions to problems. To be able to take a birds-eye view of an issue and find a way out of it that best suits those involved.
At my core I want to help as many people as possible to have a better experience of life. I am a strategist. I focus on solutions, not problems. So when someone who has asked me for help refuses to take my advice because “that won’t work for me”, even though I know first hand it has worked for hundreds of years for millions of people, it is very frustrating. But, as the stubborn person that I am, I STILL try to help them see the light.
Part 3:
This advice is for anyone who has gone through something and is struggling to find a way out:
Stop focusing on the problem and look for a solution. Okay. I get it. What happened to you was bad. It hurt. It left a scar. You can’t see a way out. But I promise you there is one. Time is a great healer but you have to let it do its job without your problem being your number one focus. You can’t forget something that you talk about all day long.
You need to understand that in order to let go and in order to grow, you have to become more committed to your future than you are to your past.
Let me tell you a hard truth. Your problem isn’t special. Everyone has problems. Everyone. And spoiler alert, there are people out there in the world who have been through way more than you have and have come out the other side. What do you want? Sympathy or a solution? You may want both; but you only need one. And I’ll give you a clue. It’s not more sympathy.
No matter how bad the thing that happened was, if you are still talking about it every day, years later then you -not what happened to you- have become your own biggest obstacle. The bad memory of what happened to you desperately wants to die, but you resuscitate it and bring it back to life every time you tell that same old story. Stop allowing something that happened long ago to define your entire life.
LET GO!
Part 4:
You deserve happiness, but self-pity will not get you there. You have to finally understand that you are bigger than your problems. You don’t have to let them hold you back. You can -whether you believe it right now or not- MOVE ON! If all you did today was promise yourself that you would never talk about what happened out loud ever again, you would take a big step in the right direction.
It is true what they say, life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you choose to deal with it. The word choose is a common theme in my teachings because I am desperately trying to empower each and every one of you to understand that, ultimately, you have a choice in every single thing you do.
So who are you going to be? The person who let’s what happened long ago ruin the rest of their life? Or the person who, in spite of what happened, made the conscious choice to be happy and live an amazing life?
Remember: You are who you are; you are not what has happened to you. Circumstances do not determine character; choices do.
#ManifoldMotivation 🌎 ManifoldMotivation.com
