Not knowing SUCKS, but, it’s ok!

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.- Winston Churchill

I want to talk about a friend of mine, I didn't ask for permission to use his name while I was writing this, so we will call him Anthony. Now Anthony when I met him as a freshman in high school was awkward, and weird, he dressed oddly, and he seemed entirely too homely, (Mind you I was in High school so these thoughts are very old, and when I look back on the them I cringe at the foolishness).

Anthony was a driven young man, I soon came to find out, and he would not allow a day to go by without telling you of his dreams and what he will do when he gets there. Fast forward to our junior year of high school, Anthony has now changed his wardrobe, gotten in better shape, started to make music, and now has started to look at colleges where he can continue to pursue his dreams. I, on the other hand, was engrossed in my video games (God of War anyone?), and while I love my video games, there is a certain shaking of the head while I look back at my younger years.

At this point many of you are wondering, what the heck does this have to do with not knowing? I am getting to that, be patient.

We are going to jump ahead maybe, 4 1/2 years into the future, I am now firmly into my college years, and I am completely confused. I have no direction, fear is chocking me, and I am dealing with panic attacks and bouts of deep emotional slumps. I have, at this point, started and failed at losing weight a total of 5 times, and my Facebook page is starting to be hijacked with some people that I knew in high school, getting married and having kids, and becoming more.

In comes Anthony, suddenly I am seeing posts about graduation, engagement, marriage, companies he has started, magazines he has been featured on. I am left staring at my screen like: Seriously?

Now don’t get me wrong, I love the dude, and I am happy for his scuess, in the same light however, I am vexed. I am thoroughly vexed, not at him, but at myself and life. I say to myself: Why am I not where I want to be in life? A small voice answered back: Because you’re not working for it. You don’t fight, you talk. Stop talking and start walking.

I dismissed the voice almost immediately, like all stubborn people do, I simply thought that whatever I am doing is correct, and he just got lucky. So flash forward another 6 months, it is now 2014, I am entering into another year of college, and I am mad, I have been here longer than I cared to be, and it does not seem as if my life is going in the direction I want it to go. I am still the weight I am, I even got heavier, I do not have the career that I want, hell I don’t even have the grades I want. I still live with my mother, and everyone else seems to be going 100 mph, while I don’t even own a car.

So I decided to talk to Anthony, to see how he is doing, and to pick his brain and see how he got to where he is now. In the course of that conversation, and the many that followed it, I came to realize that Anthony went through similar events as I did, but at a critical juncture he made a decision that I did not: He chose to keep going.

You might be smarter, your family may come from privilege, your daddy might own a company, but you will not outwork me!- Eric Thomas

That was the difference! He said that he just did not stop, he saw what he wanted, he saw himself there, and then he kept going until he got it. Girl that he loved, he worked until she loved him and married her, wedding? Paid for. New company? Doing well. Everything seems to be going for him, the reason why? Because he kept going! That was the difference between him and me, when adversity and challenge reared it’s head, he faced it down and won. He said: This is my life right now, but, I will work, and through sheer force of will command reality to shift around me.

There is a reason why people love Batman. It is because he is a mere mortal standing toe to toe with gods. We look at Batman and say: Here is a man, flesh and blood like me, fighting against odds that ordinarily he would be crushed under.

Yes, he is fictional, but it is what he represents that speaks to us so powerfully. His indomitable will is what makes him one of the greatest super heroes ever, and this what Anthony taught me, to go hard against the roaring seas of doubt and fear, confusion and uncertainty. To ride the winds of my passions even if, and especially when, I have no idea what I am doing.

As I write this story, I have .79 cents in my bank account, I work a job I don’t like, and I am still two semesters away from getting a four year degree in 8 years, that is either the star of a inspiring story or the end of a depressing book.

Where I want to be and where I am now, usually have nothing to do with each other. I know that I will get to where I want to be, only if I do not stop. I invite you also to do the same, don’t stop, keep going; like the picture on top, many people believe success is a straight line, but they are deceived. Success, like life, is an ever winding road, taking us through the valleys, over the mountains, through desolation, and through abundance, yet if we keep going we will be able to arrive at a destination the fills us with joy, acceptance, and life.

Until next time.