The Bundy Occupation: What If There Was A Revolution and Nobody Came?

Facing the camera, Anti-Muslim activist Jon Ritzheimer angrily clears off a table covered in dildos and bags of candy dicks. He accuses people of “wasting their money on hate” and reassures them that “we’re not going to let all your junk and hate mail distract us.” He then admonishes all the true “patriots” out in America, telling them to come to the Malheur nature preserve and show some support for the movement they’re starting.

It’s the key moment in the Bundy occupation, where the self-parody had reached a fever pitch from these armed militants attempting to intimidate the Federal Government by occupying a place where people go to watch birds.

A brief recap of the zaniness so far: 
Jan 2nd — Ammon Bundy led his brother Ryan, Jon Ritzheimer, LaVoy Finicum, and others in a break in of the Malheur wildlife refuge offices. Claiming to be 150 strong, their goal was to force the government to free two convicted arsonists and relinquish all federal control of land in Oregon. Ammon Bundy declared “We’re planning on staying here for years, absolutely. This is not a decision we’ve made at the last minute.”

Jan 4th — They asked people to send snacks. Meanwhile, reporters downgraded the number of occupants to a few dozen. And the county judge politely asked them to leave. And the convicted arsonists wanted nothing to do with them.

Jan 6th — Ryan Bundy said on Oregon Public Broadcasting regarding the occupation

“This is their county — we can’t be here and force this on them…If they don’t want to retrieve their rights, and if the county people tell us to leave, we’ll leave.”

They’re then asked to leave that night by the 300 citizens at a public meeting and the Sheriff, who offered to escort them to state lines. 
And the occupation continued.

Also, it was discovered that their bodyguard, who calls himself “Fluffy Unicorn,” is not a veteran of Afghanistan and Iraq as he claimed, but a tattoo artist with a number of DUIs on his record.

Jan 7th — One of the militants took all the donations raised from social media and left to get drunk by himself in a hotel. In response, another militant posted a video on social media, tearfully lamenting “It’s like finding out there’s no Santa.”

And after all this, we come to that defining moment caught on video, where Jon Ritzhemer seemed genuinely frustrated and confused why people haven’t shown up in droves, and why they’re being mocked.

After this moment, it got less and less fun to watch. The militants began rifling through Native American artifacts and bulldozed through a Native American archaelogical site. Militia groups like the Pacific Patriots Network led an armed convoy through the small town of Burns to meet with the Sheriff and set up a perimeter. Public Schools and Federal Offices were closed in Burns. People complained that the occupation was tearing their community apart. LaVoy Finicum was shot as Ammon, Ryan, Jon Rizheimer, “Fluffy Unicorn” and other militants were taken into custody.

And once in court, it got kind of fun again. Ammon seemed surprised that his unlimited, armed occupation in defiance of Federal law could somehow have led to his arrest. His tune suddenly changed as he tried to be released on bail. Despite his previous recorded statements on social media, in a message to the four remaining occupiers, he said

“This was never meant to be an armed standoff…Please do not make it about something it wasn’t supposed to be. Go home to your families.”

Prosecutors then directed the court’s attention to a video in which Bundy called on people to “come out here and stand,” telling them, “We need you to bring your arms.”

Ammon was denied bail, which is when his father Cliven Bundy decided to take control of the situation by urging the four remaining militants to stay, and sending a letter to the county Sheriff, Governor, and President Obama stating the the militants will retain possession of the refuge. Judge Grastly, who had the letter tweeted to him, had this incredible reply

I looked at that and wondered what does that mean? Perhaps he thinks he owns the refuge. I don’t think that’s the case.”

Then Cliven flew out to Portland, Oregon to lead the militia and was promptly arrested for, among other things, aiming a lot of weapons at Federal Agents two years ago and owing a million in fees to taxpayers for grazing on public land.

And then negotiations began for the last four occupiers, where they asked to not be arrested, and the FBI said they were far past that. David Fry, the last remaining holdout in calls with negotiators,

asked for pizza and marijuana, criticized a government that condoned abortion and drone strikes, and talked about U.F.O.s and dying rather than going to prison.

Finally, on February 11th, forty days after the occupation started, he peacfully surrendered. His final demand that his tax money not go to abortions was not agreed to by negotiators, partly due to the fact that Federal taxes don’t go towards funding abortions. Fittingly, the only demand met by the FBI was an exhausted “Hallelujah” as Fry surrendered. As with all occupiers, he faces charges with a maximum of 6 years for

… occupying the federal property “while using and carrying firearms,’’ threatening violence against anybody who attempted to remove them from the refuge and using social media and other means of communication to recruit and encourage others to join them.

And now it’s over.

Throughout the occupation, most of what we’ve seen from these militants is confusion and frustration that somehow taking over a bird sanctuary in a state they’re not from and then asking for snacks didn’t lead to the freedom of two convicted arsonists. Or the turnover of Federally controlled lands to the local control. Instead, they were repeatedly asked to leave by the citizens and local government. And sent bags of dicks. And dildos. And a 55 Gallon tub of lube.

In the end, they found out what happens when you throw a revolution and nobody comes.
Despite some mild support, you’re overwhelmingly seen as a bunch of heavily armed morons that intruded into a bunch of peaceful citizen’s lives and ruined a nature preserve.

And then you go to jail.