The Unspoken Rule That Only Children And Highly Successful People Utilize
The Magic Word Is “Empathy”
“I see you. I’m sorry for what you’re feeling. How can I help?” — Seth Godin
The moments when strangers do things for us out of the kindness of their hearts, those are the moments that stick with us for ever.
The friendly driver on your right that waves at you to go first as you pull up to a 4 way intersection with stop signs, as you barely come to a stop — knowing full well that it was their turn to go.
The time when you were a few dollars short and the person behind you in the checkout line decided to give the difference so that you could make your purchase.
Or that period in your life when you were broken up about how things were going and out of no where, a stranger that you’ve never met before smiles at you and greets you as if they had known you your entire life.
We all wish the world was full of more people like this, people that care about the well being of others and are willing to give their very last just to make the dark cloud in someone else’s life go away.
“The Golden Rule” was the first thing I learned about in grade school.
I’ve always applied that rule with every interaction I have ever had with people, regardless to how they treated me, and regardless to whether they were a stranger or someone that I knew personally.
“Treating others the way you want to be treated” will get you far, but unfortunately, it isn’t always reciprocated.
Not everyone lives by this rule, and most people respond to you as if you’re odd or as if your intentions aren’t genuine.
Children and highly successful people live by one rule that gets them immediate positive results, every single time.
They don’t base interactions off of “what's in it for them” and they’re more concerned with what the other person wants, as opposed to what they want.
The Platinum Rule
“We’re all familiar with the universal Golden Rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” But the Platinum Rule takes it up to a whole new level of loving well: “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” — Marcel Schwantes
People want to be understood and treated the way that they see themselves.
The biggest problem with treating others like “we want to be treated” is that we aren't treating them the way “they want to be treated”.
We still put ourselves at the center of our interactions with others, when we treat others based on what we want in return.
Everyone has a different personal story that has shaped them throughout their lives — we must be empathetic enough to understand that they have different needs than we do, and different triggers that compel them to respond to us the way that they do.
We have to completely abandon the need to treat others the way we want to be treated, in order to tap into who they are. We must listen and allow them to be center stage so that we can understand their personal story and their needs.
No one is a mind reader, but we are all listeners.
Even if trying to get the other person to talk is like pulling teeth, we can still observe and ask for feedback.
The “Midas Ear”
“If you make someone feel heard, understood, and loved — you won’t have to motivate them. They will motivate themselves.” — Mel Robbins
We often confuse having sympathy with empathy.
Everyone has the ability to feel sorry for others, and the world is full of people that speak out on behalf of feeling sorry for others and their misfortunes — but having empathy requires more effort than the majority of people are willing to put forth.
Having empathy puts us in the shoes of the other person, to think their thoughts and to understand why they do what they do, and to understand how and why they come to the conclusions that they come to when they make decisions.
Have you ever had someone in your life come along at the right time and speak exactly to what your needs were at the right time? Maybe they even went out of their way, without you telling them what you needed, yet they gave you the push that you were looking for?
Now thats empathy.
Whether you realized it then or not, that person was listening and observing you — whether you were vocal about your needs or not.
Actively listening to a person to completely digest what they’re saying is the best “two way” conversation you could ever have — you aren’t sharing conflicting ideas and you aren’t listing to give a well thought out response — you’re listening to understand and put yourself in their shoes.
When people are made to feel like they’re important, and that what they have to say is important — you, and what you want becomes important.
When you go the extra mile to act on behalf of what you learned from listening to them, you create an imbalance — a space is created to where the person has only two options.
To repay you in some form to compensate for the indebtedness that they feel, or to establish a connection with you.
Be Someone’s Defining Moment
“When we extend our heart, our soul and our feelings to another, when we imagine what it must be like to be them, we expose ourselves to risk.” — Seth Godin
Nothing appeals to the heart of people more than when we go our way for them.
In their mind, what registers is that “we get it” — that we get them — and that they are special enough for us to put who we are and what we want on the line, to make a lasting connection with them.
We bring out the best in people when we reaffirm who they want to be, or who they believe they are, by treating them the way “they” believe they deserve to be treated.
People shrink and become lesser versions of themselves when we treat them as we want to be treated, regardless to how well we treat them.
When we treat them as they “think they are” we define them by their own standards, and this demonstrates to them that all along, they were worth listening to, and that they were right about how they saw themselves.
What really grabs a person by the heart is not treating them better than how we see them, but treating them equal to or better than how “they” see themselves. This compels a person to do more than is expected of them.
This compels a person to “write us in” as a main character in their own personal stories.
We establish a relationship with them when we show them that not only do we “see” them, but that we understand them and are willing to place ourselves in their shoes, because we care that much.
Highly Successful People Know That Children Are The True Sages
“Finally, empathy gives you the perspective to “start from where the world is, as it as” as you look to change it into what you want it to be.” — Ryan Holiday
The only thing that we can teach a child is how to operate in a system where they can blend in and live in a way thats acceptable to others.
Children are born knowing the deep things in life that lead to creativity and success — and even if they don’t know right away, children are relentless when it comes to finding the right answer.
If you really want to understand how to interact with people, observe a child — without them knowing that you are watching.
A child falls down on the playground and the other children gather around to call for help, while in the mean time they do everything they can to nurse the “boo boo” of the “fallen child” that got hurt.
A child walks in on their mother crying over untimely news, and begins to cry themselves, as they wipe away their “mommy’s” tears, wrapping their delicate little arms around her neck to make the pain go away.
Or the child that reaches out to another child, that happens to be shy, by sharing their lunch and asking questions to learn more about the other child, so that they can play a game that they both like to play when the bell for recess rings.
By nature, children are loving, caring and empathetic.
Highly successful people understand the importance of mimicking the natural behavior of children when they are in their early stages of life — before they become tainted and conditioned by the world.
They know that children understand the science of establishing a connection with other human beings, and the art of creating a positive imbalance that causes a beautiful exchange to take place — the preservation of ones own self image by treating them how they want to be treated, in exchange for something that matches how we see ourselves.
People repay us for the value that we give them, and the most valuable form of payment that we can give to any human being — which happens to be something that most affirm that they could never repay — is treatment that they believe they deserve.
“The Golden Rule” should always be the standard by which we treat others, but “The Platinum Rule” should be the icing that we put on the cake to make our interactions with others that much sweeter.
“Its a great idea to spend some time walking in someone else’s shoes — sometimes literally.” — Richard Branson
