Everyday Beautiful

My everyday beautiful is my little boy. He is wonderful. He amazes me every day. He makes me want to be a better person so that I can inspire him to do whatever he wants in his life. He keeps me grounded. He puts everything into perspective. He makes me optimistic and a happier person.

Before I had my son, I was a worrier. I worried about everything, I blew most things out of proportion. Although generally a cheerful person, I had a lot of negative energy. My work consumed me, sometimes in a good way, often not. I was always stressed- I thought I had to be stressed to succeed. I strived to gain perfection in an unhealthy way. I believed I was fulfilling a purpose but I don’t know what that purpose was. I loved the drama of it all.

While I was pregnant I began to mellow. I was too sick and tired to run around stressing and I had a responsibility to slow down to the life I was growing. The first 2 months of my sons life are a blur. I was in pain, I didn’t get much sleep, the responsibility of having a child hit me hard, hormones rendered me an emotional wreck. The next 6 months are a bit clearer. I was learning a new skill, I spent a lot of time looking at my little bundle in wonder, puzzlement, sometimes alarm. I had a lot of feeling that I wasn’t cut out for it. I was surprised at my reaction to motherhood — it was something I had always wanted, yet I couldn’t seem to grasp it properly. By month 9, something clicked and I suddenly felt like a mum, the power of my giggling, happy son took over and my emotions settled and I felt more like myself. This was slightly overshadowed by the fact that the following month I was due back at work. Feeling like I had wasted ‘emotionally’ the first precious months with my son, the last place I wanted to go was to my office, to go back to being someone I could barely remember being, someone who took a lot of work and effort to become every single day.

And so began 2014.

In contrast to how I felt at the beginning of the year, 2014 has been one of the best, most memorable years of my life. I’ve spent a lot of it wondering what has improved my mood, made me strive for positivity and happiness every day. I’ve been too afraid to come to a conclusion just in case by doing so the magic of this year gets shattered. But the more I think about it, the more I realise that the fear is unnecessary, the reason that my life is worth living is something to celebrate and be proud off. And the reason is my boy.

I can’t explain why becoming a mother has changed me. But something has flipped. I’ve learnt to be more patient with others, I’ve learnt that I don’t have to be perfect, I’ve learnt that life is more enjoyable and fulfilling when you have a purpose. Being at work gives me a connection of sorts to who I was before becoming a mother and being a mother makes it ok for me to be different to that person. Stress takes on a new meaning — it can’t consume me the way it used to because in the back of my mind is his smiley face, singing me songs, telling me he loves me, dancing in the living room, giving me a cuddle and it brings me down to earth and puts everything into perspective. One small unsuspecting little person makes every day beautiful, wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, whomever I’m with.