Sharing my story is always awkward for me. People don’t know how to react. I don’t blame them. I’m still processing myself.
On one side people feel bad. They want to do something. Send me money. Words of support.
Those closest to me will feel like I left them in the dark. Others will feel I’m Fishing for sympathy or clout.
It all makes me feel awkward. I don’t Write for any of that. The only reason why I hit publish is the hope that one person out there is going through the same obscure shit.
My writing for expression predates my myspace dats. People mistake realness for softness. Transparency for attention seeking.
Either way, this writing is for my own healing. It’s A collection of thoughts and ideas to process my demons. Writing is how I find balance between surviving and meaning.
The second day of leave went much better minus all the admin headaches. I slept in a bit and bullshitted playing some games with brother. He’s Enjoying a few days of break while these schools get their ducks in a row.
This process has taught me a lot about school. All these schools act differently with enrollment procedures. It really only takes one admin sticking to the book to fuck up your day. There’s really a fine line between those folks and the ones who will make an exception for the greater good.
Different rules and policies in districts and schools is not really surprising. You could say that about any business. The part that catches me off guard… Why aren’t our standards and grades more arbitrary?
But hey I got drive-three free school lunch at least right?
Otherwise, yesterday ended well. My Raiders won and every one was in the living room and kitchen to feel the excitement. Even if they weren’t watching it 100 percent, it felt good sharing that.
Today, I started therapy again. Looking forward to that. It still feels like I’m floating in space. Juggling the forces of human personalities in my tiny universe. Sometimes I’m enthralled by the unprecedented challenge. Other days it’s an infinite emptiness that no one can understand.
If that sounds like a lot, that’s cause it is. But if you know me you know I’m well equipped. I’m versatile, resourceful and relentless as they come.
In fact, the best piece of advice I got so far came from the unexpected. It came from a…