I didn’t know how to end this

Dear Pandemic,

Fuck you. You took away our dive bars. Killed bangers, pregames, kick backs and anything resembling a social gathering. Casual friends, relationships, acquaintances and everything else not worth a two week commitment was put to rest.

You came for our offices. Killed our work days and physical boundaries.

Made us second guess every trip to the grocery store or laundry mat.

We yearned for basic things like commutes and school days. Music festivals, concerts, sports games, theaters, movies all seemed years away.

Household items like lysol wipes made us all fiends. …

That’s right, the Los Angeles probate court officially made me guardian for my three teenage siblings. It really feels like a formality at this point but I think we are all ready to move on. Nothing really changes other than everything with their care officially starting and stopping with me as guardian.

I’ve been thinking about what I want these next five years. It’s really simple and not much changed.

I want to help these kids get across the end zone into college. I want to finish my own advanced degree. I want to work towards my dreams of creating…

You didn’t really thought the Rona would stop for a calendar challenge?

Ain’t it funny what we expect when the world passes Go?

People are still arguing the validity of masks, an election and the vaccine. We’re all still bloated. The Earth’s revolution didn’t change that.

As for me, well I am still figuring out how my life fits into this next chapter. The kids are the expected challenge. Balancing everything else and figuring where I want to be after this next five years is the hard part.

However, I didn’t expect to figure that out in four months or…

Twas the Week After Christmas

Christmas really hasn’t been a big thing for me for a bit. It usually means eating until I’m super bloated, drving throughout Southern California and overextending myself for my younger siblings.

That definitely went on this Xmas. The season started with us opening gifts on Christmas. To santa or not to Santa was my conundrum on each present. Yes, my siblings are too old for christmas. However, are they too old for Christmas hope?

No the gifts didn’t come from a big jolly old dude. However, they did come from the spirit of friends, colleagues…

We Are Back in Business

Legends say my Grandpa Pete was a hell of a fighter and boxer. I don’t know because he was washed when I knew him. I believe it based on how he watched boxing. It always seemed slow watching it with him.

I do know he was good with his hands. He must have been a great mechanic because my Dad is a good one. He leaned on his Dad for solving weird automotive problems.

This past week I lost my third grandparent in 2020. My Dad’s Dad died unexpectedly. …

Every time I start to feel like myself, something pulls me back to uncertainty. Part of feeling like nothing is every enough is a symptom of where I come from. I’m always trying to figure out problems. If I just had this one more thing everything might be better. Yet, when I get it it’s time to move up the ladder of toxic ambition.

If I just had a desk maybe I would concentrate better.

If I had an exercise bike I would be in better shape.

If I ate better maybe I’d have some more energy to run.


This year’s been the toughest of my life and that’s what made this Thanksgiving even more important for me.

There is so much gratitude in my heart for all the people who helped me this year. Those who checked in on me, sent me venmo, forwarded resources or shared info an experience. I couldn’t have made it this year without my partner, friends and family. Special shout out to our therapists, counselors, social workers and everyone else who is helping us adapt.

Quarantine sucks but I am thankful for all the meals and memories I have around my city. I…

Sometimes I wake up feeling like I am already down 3–0. It’s nothing the teens do but that’s the blessing and curse of being off from work.

Yes, I technically don’t have anywhere to go or anything to do besides what the kids need. However, that’s an overwhelming feeling for someone like me. It gives me a blank canvas to paint my days the way I like but it is hard when I want to do so much (a podcast, news, projects) along with all the unexpected time (helping the kids, cleaning). …

“Work hard and give em hell,” My late Grandpa Rudy would tell me when he left me at my Dad’s house after a weekend visit.

I tell my brother who is training for football the same thing when I leave him at his P.M. training.

We found out there’s no freshmen or junior varsity football games. He was nervous hearing that since he looked forward to shitting on some kids his own age. Since he never put the pads on, he needed that confidence boost.

Still, he said he is all in on trying to play Varsity. He’s got the…

My brother got to speak with 49ers great Patrick Willis. It was a great opportunity for someone starting their football journey to meet with someone great who comes from a similar background.

You can look up Mr. Willis’ background on your own but he has a great story not too different from ours.

My brother asked Patrick on how he can be more explosive and use his hips. Willis replied by jokingly saying, “Hold your nuts.”

What he was trying to say is stay away from girls and masturbation. Patrick elaborated saying you have more energy to do things when…

Pete D. Camarillo

Pete enjoys writing about the NFL, NBA, and Hip Hop. He’s also a full-time media relations professional for Business Wire. I’m building a newsletter.

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