How To “Invert The Hurt” Of A Bad Breakup

I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow. Even the toughest break-up can teach you something of great value, when you let it. Why would you want to? So you won’t get trapped in a vicious cycle and continue to repeat the poor choices of the past.

The trouble is, when you don’t understand the lessons properly (or miss them altogether) you almost always end up going through the process again and again throughout your life. In order to “invert the hurt” and keep things flowing in the right direction, use these simple techniques:

Recognize your hurtful emotions.

There is no benefit in holding on to heartache, resentment, regret, or hatred toward another person, even if you believe it may protect you, or it’s for the best. Even though it’s over, your relationship was unique and special in many ways. Congratulate yourself for being brave enough to risk it all and fall in love, and know that there will be another relationship.

Change your story.

How many times have you thought about how you were wronged and how badly it hurt? How many times a day do you dwell on it? Your “story” transmogrifies into a fictional account of what really happened. It becomes a stake driven deep into the ground that tethers you to the pain — and keeps you from moving beyond it.

Give of yourself to others.

Do something kind and useful for the people around you. You might visit a children’s hospital or help feed the homeless. Remember, as difficult as this time can be, your life is still very valuable. There’s a great deal of important work to do, and there are a lot of people who can benefit from what you offer.

Create new traditions.

Use this time to get closer to the people you love. Even if you feel sad, you can all come together and support one another. Create new traditions like a regular movie night or volunteer time with your family and friends.

Make a list of the good things that came from the relationship.

When you look at the situation from a positive angle, things change — and quickly. It gets easier and easier to identify at least ten positive outcomes that came from your experience. Focus on them, and watch the magic happen.

–Peter Winslow