Do I think about you and miss you? Of course. I am sure you don’t think of me but you cross my mind often. “Why”, you ask? Because you were “my person. The only one that stayed by my side when all the bad things went down. You held me when I cried, you were with me when I laughed. The sound of your voice echoed my thoughts everyday. You listened and had advice for all the horrible choices I made without judgement. You were honest and and thought I deserved the best.
When you dated people I was not supportive. Why? I didn’t get a warm and fuzzy feeling from them. In my defense, one did get pregnant on purpose and every word she uttered to you was a lie. She tried to trap you so you wouldn’t leave. When this came to light we talked about how to move forward. I was going to be there for you and we were going to make our own family. There was no lack of loved ones that would be there in a time of need.
I was judgmental when in times of confusion you sought solace in the arms of women you felt a connection with. This left you feeling abandoned as the person that you had been there for was not there for you.. I am sorry…..
I remember the day you decided to break up our friendship. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I was heartbroken; as if my soul was drained. I remember sitting at a bar to digest the recent events. My first thoughts were why?!? How could he? It must be the new girlfriend! Looking to blame someone and not myself.
After some time I was a bit more calm and new thoughts flooded my head; who am I to judge what you deserve or what was best for you? If you really think I’m a bad friend not worth having around, I’ll respect that and let it be. It acts as a reminder for me to slow down and appreciate the people in my life more; it’s difficult when I’m going miles a minute and get caught up in my own world. In my heart I would like to say I strive to be a good friend but, like any relationship, sometimes the path forks and goes in different directions.
For whatever reason we were connected our time was amazing. The love and laughter I miss are a distant memory. As if you had passed and all I can do is reminiscense of happy times. I hope that you have gotten everything you dreamt of and more comes your way. That your son is all grown and is lucky to have a father like you. I will always have love for you and hope that our path crosses again.
Reality sets in confirming that will never happen. All I have is hope that we will be reunited. Hoping to hear the phone ring and to see your name pop up. Not wanting to face the truth. The man I knew was special. I miss my friend. The good thing is I carry you with me everyday.