Trump’s Social Media Summit Was The Laughing Stock of Twitter

Phaylen Fairchild
Jul 13 · 3 min read

The White House hosted its Official Social Media Summit last week where, I suppose, the Trump Administration invited a few conservative, Red Hat wearing supporters that know all the words… the best 280 characters or less, anyway.

Was it really a summit? I wouldn’t call it that. It was more like a meet and greet with some adoring fans, apparently. Not much effort went into diversifying the attendees or preparation. Probably because this wasn’t the real press, these are not the journalists- the ones Trump detests and has demonized as “Enemies of the people” and “Fake News.” This was a room of social media users; His base of youtube conspiracy fanatics and loyal MAGA hashtagging Trumpians

Thus, you’d think Trump and his team would have tried harder. Alas, they didn’t. Why? Because Trump covets the adoration he doesn’t have; Those who’ve already pledged their unwavering support are not a challenge. They’ve already been converted. He could walk into the middle of Fifth Avenue and the opinion-shaping, savvy social media influencers would post an urgent status deeming him “The Bravest Presivent Ever #SecondAmendment #LockHerUp #ProudDeplorable!!!!” (sic)

So would the ones in America.

Instead, the White House used cardboard placards to explain simple social media vernacular to the attendees, including a November 2012 tweet from Trump himself that read:

Indeed. He has since created entire military bans, picked on leaders of allied nations, threatened war on hostile ones, and yet still manages to give us the timeless, simple, yet historic tweets like “Covfefe.”

The best words.

Even if they’re misspelled… as were quite a few of the words on the boards that looked like they were designed by the same guy who gave us the UPS logo.

“Publicly” can be tricky, I concede, especially if you’re the type who has trouble with names. Like your wife, the one just coming home from the hospital? That isn’t Melanie.

Just helping.

Which is more than I can say for these educational placards. For a bunch of people so hell bent on everyone speaking English, one would suspect they’d attempt a fair go at it. They also didn’t know “Demonetization” was a noun and not a verb.

It also looks like they ran out of diaper brown ink by the time this came up in the queue thus they resorted to the more traditional, patriotic USPS poster style. Why are they using snail mail color schemes for a social media event? That’s like google promoting themselves as “just as good as AOL!”

I still have a few of those discs somewhere. Those free 100 hours didn’t stack, otherwise I’d still be on dial-up and cussing out my grandma when she calls and knocks me offline. I saved those discs like I saved toilet paper for Y2K. Both disappointed me, but I was ready if the world ended. I might have starved to death but I was going to die with a clean ass because that’s my priorities.

I’d have to say, though, despite all of its inadequacies, the Social Media Summit hit a crescendo when a fruit fly attacked Donald Trump’s face in the middle of his speech.

How appropriate. That’s why I stocked toilet paper, because we all know flies are impossibly attracted to great big…

…banana yellow ties? Of course, that’s it.

Some complained that “Doxing” was also misspelled, but others argue that two X’s work just as well as one, so Trump has that covered from most angles. In fact, let’s not be grammar snobs and just go ahead and add a triple X in honor of Stormy Daniels.

I wish they had televised this Summit, for all the reasons above, and to witness the social media elite in action… like him:

He’s uploading them to his Myspace.

Phaylen Fairchild

Written by

Comedian, Actor, Opinionator, Filmmaker, Activist. http://twitter.com/phaylen All work copyright deliciousdiamonde@gmail.com

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