A fixation on the past can be crippling.

For years, one of my biggest problems was letting go of the past. I would make a mistake and replay it over and over again in my head, until I would feel physically ill. Not only did I waste a tremendous amount of time and energy worrying about something that I couldn’t change, I also made an interesting discovery. If you focus on something for long enough─even if the thought of it makes you feel poorly─you will likely experience it again. This is the worst kind of hamster wheel to be stuck on; trapped in a loop where you obsessively think about a mistake right up until the next time you repeat it.

So how can you ever get over something that causes you so much distress? Well, the answer is actually quite simple, “let it go”. Since this is far more difficult than it sounds, I will share some philosophies I use that I believe will make it easier to let things go.

First of all, you CANNOT move forward in life if you are constantly thinking about the past. Think about when you’re driving. When you are headed toward your destination, you would have a hell of a time getting there if all you did was stare in the rearview mirror; you may glance at it to make sure you’re safe, but ultimately your eyes are focused straight ahead on the path to where you’re going. I think this is a great metaphor for life. You need to live in the present and focus on what needs to be done now in order to become the person you want to be and live the life you desire. You may mentally glance into the past for introspective purposes, but ultimately what’s done is done and you need to focus on the now.

Secondly, the past is not real. It was real at one time, but now it is just a concept─or more specifically, a conceptualization in your own mind. There are a few things that I take away from this statement: one, since it no longer exists in reality, the only way it can affect you or cause you to feel a particular way is if YOU let it; two, since it is now a mental conceptualization, it is very possible that your mind is playing tricks on you and making the event out to be worse than it actually was─or if it is not, perhaps you should trick your mind and make it out to be better than it actually was (in the case of a trauma that was no fault of your own).

Ultimately, I think the past really only serves two functions: first, you can quickly learn from a mistake made in the past and vow not to do it again; second, you can look back at positive memories to feel a sense of joy by recalling times spent with loved ones and other events that make you happy or proud. Outside of that, focusing on the past is largely destructive. I believe that learning the ability to let go of negative past events is the first step toward creating the life you truly want.

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