Soft life

I’m tempted to say that this piece is for my ladies but that would be inaccurate. This piece is for every young Nigerian hustling for financial liberation. To all the broke girls and boys out there. One day we go blow 🥂😂😂

Months ago, I saw a tweet that said, “A lot of us are not really depressed, We are just broke” A part of me vehemently disagreed because I didn’t think it was right to reduce the severity of depression to simply feeling sad because of the absence of money. That same part of me also knew too well that there are some kind of shege life can decide to show you that you wouldn’t even remember or be comforted by what is in your account. A very realistic part of me is not ashamed to admit that more than half of my problems will go away if I have money, that same part of me truly knows that I’m sad 70% of the time because my account balance is a disgrace😩😩

There’s no denying that credit alerts make us happy. Retail therapy exists for a reason, knowing that you are able to afford your most basic needs eliminates a large chunk of your worries. One of the hardest things to accept as an adult, especially as a 20-something year old finally earning and gaining financial freedom is the fact that you are now truly responsible for your life and you are going to pay bills until you die😂😂 It’s even more painful that we waited our whole lives for this moment, to be able to afford what we want, to not wait for pocket money only to discover that no amount of saving, budgeting, not eating out and being meticulous will change the fact that we simply are not earning enough for luxury. We work just to pay bills hence the need to just splurge and live soft.

You see, I’m a soft girl. I’ve always been one. You cannot be in the same space with me and not see it. Every aspect of my being rejects hardship and unnecessary stress ( Even necessary ones too🌚) So it’s safe to say I’m probably an executive member for the soft girl association. I’m all for the good life, The “princess treatment or nothing” cheer leader. Still, a part of me is also afraid that a lot of us have misconstrued what the “Soft life” should be. I see a lot of funny and somewhat worrisome quotes that people use on social media to support their claim to soft life and maybe I’m not getting the memo but my idea about soft life is completely different.

I personally think soft life is a mindset, a paradigm shift in mental awareness. It is not about an abundance of material things. It’s not for “if I perish I perish”. It’s not a claim to “good girl nor dey pay”. It shouldn’t cause you to do unmentionable things. It’s not a reason to throw caution into the wind. It’s not a reason to abdicate common sense. It is not a reason to splurge when you can’t really afford it just to keep up appearance. It’s not a reason to demand princess treatment when you have failed to pull your own weight. It is not waiting for someone to bring you “real peace” by taking you out of your masculine era into a soft feminine era😂😂 It’s actually stupid to me that some women think that. Why does someone else have to bring you peace? Why do we associate softness and femininity with being taken care of? With being handed things that we want but don’t want to provide for ourselves. I understand that it’s sweeter to spend someone else’s money and what I’m about to say next is not what you like to hear but there’s dignity in labor. You should take pride in being able to provide for yourself through honest means.

I think the whole point of soft life is intentional happiness, it is finding contentment in a world full of worry, sadness and dissatisfaction. It is not absence of struggle but deliberately creating a safe haven where you have treat yourself as top tier, choosing to be accountable to yourself. Soft life is not solely based on finances because you might not be financially buoyant all year round. It is not only aesthetics pleasing pictures for the gram or hopping all the fanciest restaurants and shopping luxury items that is putting a strain on your finances. As a young Nigerian without plenty money, Soft life could be living a sophisticated life in an inexpensive way. It could be Netflix and chill with homemade popcorn or even making your own parfait with Greek yogurt and granola. It could be making your own creamy pasta and setting up your dining table with wine glasses. It could be shopping for skincare items when they are on sale. It could be learning to style your clothes better when you cannot afford to shop new items. It could even be paying for two seats in a bus so you can spread your legs well on the days Bolt prices surge is above your budget. It could simply be lighting up candles and curling up with a book. It could be a weekend getaway to a nice beach house even if you can’t afford to go to Maldives or Seychelles. This is pending the time you can afford the luxury we all deserve. We already agreed that budgeting won’t change the fact that we are not earning enough to match the cost of being alive, but some day soon we will.

The moral of this gist? I hope you are not waiting until you have it all before you truly begin to live. I hope you know that you can live a quality life regardless of how terrible you think your situation is. I hope you find the courage to celebrate life in small ways, big ways and every way that matters. There’s accountability in living soft. You are accountable to yourself because you see a bigger picture, There’s strength in choosing yourself as a priority. That’s the real flex.

The real moral of this gist? Missing out on temporary fun to build permanent stability is not a loss. So Romanticize your life. Be the main character. Make it a habit to throw yourself a party and act like you are surprised. Do it for you. That’s the real flex.