Exercises for Changing What You Can to Make Your Life Better
We are two radical lefty coaches:
- Hadassah Damien a design strategist and facilitator for teams, and financial coach for queers, punks, and other people who feel left out of normy systems
- Pippi Kessler, an organizational psychologist who does leadership and career coaching with activists, CEOs, Rabbis, artists, and educators.
Exercises
Here are two exercises, one from each of us, that we use with clients who are ready to make changes, by focusing on what we can control, in an oppressive world:
Damien: Cake-Sized Actions
It sure can feel overwhelming to try to make a change. Especially if the change’s outcome must be Ending Pain for All Other Humans.
You and I both know that’s not a feasible outcome for most things we might do, and yet it’s sometimes the standard we are holding ourselves to. What can change if you make your ideas more bite size and shrink what you are trying to do?
This is the purpose of the cake-sized actions exercise. Whether you’re thinking about an outcome or impact you want to make, or a concept you want to try, these prompts ask you to think about what you might do, sized relative to when in your life you might have one of these three kinds of cake:
- Think about a version of this that is the size of a Life Celebration or Wedding cake. Something you can expect to encounter once to a very few times over a lifetime. It takes years and years to build up to. It’s epic. It takes lots of people and resources.
- Next, think about a version of this that is the size of a birthday cake. It takes at most one year. It is special, but it recurs, and you can change it every year if you want.
- Finally, think about a cupcake size version of your idea. Something you could whip up on a random weeknight. Something that is doable by you or you and a pal or two. A manageable size and shape concept. One in which you feel safe to experiment with because it’s not that deep, you can try it again next week if you want. Liberating Structures calls this a 15% solution, and asks “What is your 15 percent? Where do you have discretion and freedom to act? What can you do without more resources or authority?”
Focus on your cupcake idea. What can you implement, start, change, or stop today? What small thing would nudge you closer to an outcome or help you play with an idea?
Pippi: “What Do I Control?” circle chart
One of the ways that oppressive systems make it hard to think is that the scale of the problems are so big that it can feel pointless to problem solve. One trick that you can try to help your brain focus on what you control is to simply ask yourself, “What do I control right now?” For some people, just asking the question points a lighted arrow in the direction of the next right step.
If it helps you to see a visual, you can also try making a simple chart.
How to do the exercise:
- Draw 3 concentric circles like I did in the picture above (or download that picture to fill in).
- In the center circle, write the things that you control the most right now
- In the next ring, brainstorm what you have some control over, but not total control.
- In the next ring, brainstorm what you only have a little control over.
- Outside the circle, write things that you don’t control.
- If you notice you’re getting overwhelmed, look at the purple circle to get ideas about what to focus on.
- Damien’s computer background has a venn diagram — one side says, “Things you can control,” and the other side says, “Things that matter.” If you’re having trouble choosing between actions from what you brainstormed in the “things I control the most” circle, narrow it down by asking, “Of what I control, what matters the most to me and to my community?”
For example, let’s say you’re working at a job you hate but because of a combination of life factors, economic factors, and your identities, it would be really tough at that moment to get another job. Your chart might look like this:
Looking at your job in this format doesn’t fix everything and it doesn’t end systemic oppression. But it can help your mind stay oriented about what buttons you can push on the machine and how fast moving the effect of each button might be.
Now what?
People — take action! For YOU — your life. We’re not saying manifest, we’re just saying: let your self imagine a life you want, and move forward on making it more likely. Get little bits of joy, stability, and care. Don’t grind yourself without giving yourself life.
If you want more of our thoughts, check out this video of us explaining why we hate “manifesting” ladies.
If you want to work with either of us, here’s where to find us:
- Hadassah Damien, Ride Free Fearless Money @ridefreefearlessmoney on IG & Staircase Strategy
- Pippi Kessler
