(This originally appeared in my newsletter for subscribers.)

If you like to bottom or submit, here’s a quiz for you.

If the person dominating you is doing the thing they said they like, whacking you, poking you, head-tripping you… if the person topping you is wielding their favorite toy on you or in you… that’s enough for them to be happy… Right?

If you like to top or dominate, here’s a question for you.

Is wielding the toy or tool well enough for you to experience joy? …

Let’s continue with our ongoing conversation on getting you the hot rope play you deserve.

First step — Forget the rope.

Yup, I do mean exactly this.

Photo & Rope: Midori © 2004

Hold this rope and tell me what you feel” she said. She was one of my first formal teachers. She said this the day she was considering whether to take me on as a student.

Nearly three decades later, I realize she didn’t go far enough in the first lesson.

Today, I ask you to not touch the rope for the first few minutes of transitioning into play. …

The following essay originally appeared in an online magazine. She’s let me reprint it here… Here’s her experience of ForteFemme

My “Femme Domme” Spirit Quest: Notes on Attending a Luxury BDSM weekend

by Rachel White ~ 2015

The words “feminine dominant” inevitably conjure a specific image. Without fail, there in your mind is that hard-bitten woman, the one with all the cliched leather-pleather. With a stern, fixed aura.

I am in no way that woman. I am warm, I’m open, I’m loose-spirited. I’m messy. I am no ice-queen, the stern school-marm role never appealed to me and yet I sometimes like being the one in charge. I like directing people. …

Herpes Saved My Life, Really.

I have genital and oral herpes — and I swear it saved my life.
It sounds weird, I know, but it’s true.

I contracted herpes as an undergrad at Berkeley in the mid 80’s. One day, my boyfriend at the time had a cold sore on his lips after the first sunny day of skiing. Since childhood he would get the same little blister after the first day on the slopes, so he didn’t think much of it. I grew up without previous exposure to the common cold sore. I had no idea.

Both of…

Secrets of smart, calm & effective people.

Overwhelmed? Are you feeling all the crazy of the world? Jittery. Spinny. Crappy. Shaky. Heart speeding. Teary. Restless. Etc etc.?

Yes, we’re all feeling this, and for many of us we’ve been in this state for a pretty long time.

Here are some simple and practical actions to get your calm back.

These are from my amazing friends doing good in this mixed up Black Mirror world.

They get stressed out and feel the jitters just as much as anyone, but these people possess a remarkable ability to center themselves in the moment in astonishing ways.

I bet some of these tips will work for you!

I like to hide in my…

Dominants don’t need no stinkin’ aftercare! They just dish out the sweet nasty and life’s all set. Tops need nothin’ from no one, ’cause they’re tough. Being in control makes everything instantly easy. Dominants always know what they want, especially after play, so no one should bother asking.

And if you bought all that, I have a fine little slightly used nuclear reactor in Japan to sell you.

People who top need aftercare too. It drives me nuts that we don’t talk about this.

“Aftercare” is the term pervy folks use to refer to the set of action and attention…

Here’s a fun challenge. Find stocking stuffers for your kinky sweetie that can be opened in front of Great Aunt Wilma. Here are a few goodies I’d gift!

Tsukiji Fish Market, Tokyo, with Fibi the amazing sward swallower
  1. Bamboo Rice Paddles! All the cooking spatulas.

Alibi: You like to cook

Truth: You like to cook up trouble and red butts.

By the way, bamboo stings much more than wood. ;)

Where to buy it: Available at any Asian grocery or dollar stores. I found these in the kitchen supplier at Tskiji fishmarket in Tokyo. But I did find it online here


From time to time I’m going to dust off and revamp archived gems of articles here. The original version of this I wrote in 2011 for an online magazine, now long gone…

= = =

I’ve found my fairy godmother of boobs. If you have boobs, you ought to find yours too.

Why? Because owning boobs is complicated. Yes, they’re fun, soft and pleasure making, but they’re also uncomfortable, judgment prone and even get in the way of sports and leisure. Cismen really have very little idea how seriously high maintenance boobs are.

Take bra shopping for instance.

For many…

As far as pleasure seeking adventures go, it was an odd experience, even for me. I was petting pussy in a cathouse in Tokyo, deep within the entertainment quarter of Shibuya. My left hand nursed a drink while the right hand caressed my professional companion in an act of socially sanctioned commercial intimacy. To my knowledge, this type of service is still relatively rare in North America. I’ll admit that I’m paying for what I get for free at home. I’m not actually needing this kind of attention now. I’m here tonight out of sheer curiosity — just because the…

Let’s say you’ve got a hot play date coming up. You own some kinky toys and you’ve taken the skills classes. You want the scene to be mind-blowing.

But are you asking the necessary questions to make this happens?

These are some of the questions that can make the different between ho-hum and fantastic. A bit of preparation makes the difference between fumbling and confident.

Whatever your pre-play conversations are, consider adding the following questions to them.

1. First, before you even start to play or talk about play ~ ask yourself, “What am I really hungry for, right now…


Artist. Educator. Foodie. Travel junkie. Crazy cat lady. Tea fiend. Eddoko, San Franciscan. Proud Hapa.

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