What to do When You Don’t Know What to do Next?
Write.
I’m not a prolific writer — I usually only write when I have something I specifically need to say — and in the past that has almost exclusively been on the topic of cars.
You see, I kind of just fell into writing — with no formal qualifications or training — I just ‘winged it’, as they say. I had a few thoughts about cars and decided to write them down one day, and when a respected automotive journalist told me I should keep at it based on the merit of what I had written, I did. I kept writing down my thoughts, a few people kept publishing them online, and eventually I carved myself a small space as a motoring journalist.
Lately, working on various other projects has allowed me to apply myself and my writing beyond the scope of cars, and I’m thoroughly enjoying it.
Yet, I should write more. I know this. And not just about cars or working on Zero, I should write about everything. Being a dad, a husband, a stepdad. About divorce and not being able to see my son from my first marriage as often as I want to, and should. About depression, anxiety, love, relationships. I should be writing more about everything.
There’s a reason why the last time you were truly moved by a book, a movie or a song — why you were moved to action or brought to tears — because what you were reading, watching or listening was probably based on life and real world experience.
When I got separated I wrote about it. When I got divorced I wrote about it. When I became a father I wrote about it. When my son thought I was a monster I wrote about it. When I realised I had depression I wrote about it and when I wanted to kill myself I wrote about it.
So often these days, when hardship arrives at our front door, our kneejerk reaction is to seek out help, from someone or something else. We look to friends and family, books, blog posts, movies and songs. We seek to understand what it is, what it means and why it’s happening to us. We look outwards for anything which might lessen the hardship, ease the pain, give us direction, when more often than not, we should be looking inwards.
I firmly believe that we’re hardwired as humans to be able to sort our own shit out. We’re such clever things, there’s nothing we can’t invent/fix/develop. Yet fixing ourselves and our lives is not something we do well. Now, I’m not saying that when a truly tough time arrives in your life that you should withdraw from everyone and all those around you. That you shouldn’t seek out advice or understanding based on others life learning or experience. Of course not.
What I’m saying is that before you do that, you should look towards yourself first. I challenge you, that when the next big, seemingly insurmountable catastrophe crashes into your life, to take 15 or 30 minutes or even an hour to sit down and write about it. Just write.
Before you pick up your phone to message, open Google or tap on someone’s shoulder… STOP, and pick up a pen and paper, or open Word and start writing. Write about anything and everything. Just write the word ‘fuck’ one hundred times if you have to! But don’t stop writing.
And before you say, “I can’t write. I’ve never been able to write.” I’ll stop you right there because you can write. You can talk yes? Well, then you can write. I’m certain that when people say they can’t write, it’s because they haven’t taken the time to try. Sure, writing is hard, but slowing yourself down in order to transcribe what it is that is happening in your head, is way harder.
Taking the time to understand the feelings, the thoughts, the rage, the hatred and even the love in your head enough to be able to write it down is hard. Damn, it is hard! I know. Which is why the easiest thing in the world, is not to. It’s why we turn to others first to fix everything before we turn to ourselves.
But, if you do, I can say with certainty that something will happen. It might not be earth shattering or life changing or worthy of an accolades (if is, hey that’s great :), it might not seem like anything at the time, but something will happen. Because, when you take the time to write, a quiet conversation takes place between you and you. You start asking yourself questions. And you know what? You start answering them. You start understanding, and you start moving forward.
So, what to do when you don’t know what to do next? Write.
