
BULOTI MAGUTA MAGUTA
At 27 I was supposed to have gotten a well-paying job, married with one kid. Naaaa! It wasn't me. I never had such fantasies. It was all going to happen whenever it was to happen. Well, I know things I want to have achieved before am 40. That’s when I intend to retire. To live like there is no tomorrow. Right now am working towards that dream. But there is one part that really gets me scared. I don’t cringe or get anxious. At times it’s like a mild headache that won’t go away and won’t evolve to a migraine. It’s like someone who loves you yet they know you love someone else but they keep trying. Even when they start seeing someone else, they wish you two could happen. So they keep showing up. Like a bad habit.
Am turning 27 this month. I am at the happiest point of my life. I don’t have a lot to my name but am really happy. It’s a choice I have made and it’s really working for me. Am in constant communication with God. My heart is pumping peace to every cell in my body. There is one place though. My heart. It’s been a numb place. Like a classic car that just got a fresh layer of paint but you won’t sell it and on the other hand won’t use it. You are just not ready to give it out. Well, you could give it out but you haven’t thought about it. It hasn’t occurred to you that it’s an option at your disposal.
It’s been six years since my heart pound honestly in love with someone. The rest has been cases of almost dated, lust, best friends, momentary peace, rebounds and all that shit. Yes I called it shit. Am only bringing it up for this article. Finally am here. I haven’t moved on. I just turned a new leaf. Am wiser and driven by better needs.
Am currently the guy who will travel for 5 hours seated next to a lady in a mathree and I won’t even say hi. There will be something nudging me in that direction but I will simply mind my own business. It’s just not how my engine starts. My friend has set me up with his friend but it was short-lived. I didn’t know what to talk about in the very first lunch. She was beautiful. She had a face that only rests in fluffy pillows. I have always wanted someone I could grow with. To date I get very uncomfortable with relationships that have their expectations shouting at me in the early stages. My sugar levels have no place for a relationship that’s leading to marriage. I usually wonder what happens after we get there. Have kids? Pay school fees then grow old? I dont think so. Of course I want to get married and have kids but that’s just a play within my play.
My friends complain that am choosy. Am generally very specific in my life. And no. I didn’t say that I don’t settle for less. I have reanalyzed girls I have flirted with and that was really low. Low depends on high you are. At times you are stupid. Other times you just have to go a rung lower to get what you want. Recently I told my friend there’s a someone am contemplating. She has never been so happy about me having a someone. She made it look like I had said am dating. That whatever the someone is lacking ‘we shall inculcate’. We were at ‘we’.
I have my fears. Am the type that keeps white towels. I roll my socks and spread my bed like the tea fields of Kericho. No creases. I dont want someone who’s like that. It would be a mess. It would look like a professional thing. So am appreciating some people love pants under the bed and damp towels. In fact am readying myself for the worst. If she ruin me with love who cares about pants under the bed.
I fear girls who have kids. And am not sorry about it. You can talk about kids being a blessing yada yada yada but am not buying. My friend was so infuriated when she learnt this. She asked whom I thought will marry them that are raising kids alone. Am not sure am ready to love two people at once. I equally fear having kids at the wrong time. Am not going to define wrong time. I have read stories about marriage on Bikos blog. They have fearful things but it's not a one size fit for all. It’s a world of possibilities. Just like football. But faith moves mountains. I can only believe that it will work for me. Not books, not seminars. I don’t think marriage is a skill that one can be taught or trained . It’s a day to day affair that’s made beautiful in friendship.
Hailing from Muranga, I love to compare women to plots. Some are located near a bypass, they have water and power connection and there is a university being constructed nearby. Best of all is that they have red soil and a ready title deed. That’s a perfect woman. Buloti maguta maguta. She rarely exists. Am not looking for one. Am ready to buy a plot without power and water. We will weather through it.
I don’t believe in the one. Just like I don’t believe in love at first sight. Am not arguing those things don’t work for others. They do. Just not how I love my ice-cream. Currently am looking for a friend. I have always been looking for a friend. Someone who will still be calling me Enis after delivering our second kid. God knows how I hate being called baba nani. Someone who won’t walk out on me because one goof made them realize am not perfect. I don’t care whether they are black, white or magenta. I just want a friend. One who doesn't respect me cause that's what you do to your man. I don't want respect. I want a complete person who expresses themselves openly. Someone who is themselves.
There are now subtle reminders from family and friends on getting a someone. There’s a whole litany of reasons why I should do so. Some are reasonable. Others are just reasons (kizungumkuti). Am not lacking in anything that comes from marriage. But am sure my hairy skin will start to glow once that wheel starts rolling. They might have a 3 year old daughter. Love covers a multitude of sins, the good book says. It might be sooner. It might be later but the fat lady must sing.
Remember to whispser us in your circles.
Merci!
