From the heart, not the shops

Being a single income family for some time has given us good reason to have a low frills celebration and Christmas season. Out come last year’s Christmas tree and the accumulation of child-painted baubles, tinsel and Hallmark decorations. I thumb through Christmas recipe books and try to pick out something festive and fun, taking into account our various preferences and possible home made gift ideas. I take notes of the people we’re going to see, to have an idea of what we’ll need to prepare in advance.

There will be some rummaging through the ‘present cupboard’ and a bit of memory work to see who is allergic to what foods, or their individual interests. It seems like the expectation of turning up with a gift at family events or parties is unsaid, but felt.

Perhaps the hardest idea to release is the one of needing to give someone something new, something we’ve brainstormed as the ‘perfect gift’. I remember walking aimlessly in malls in previous years, and thinking about the person I’m shopping for, and hoping something will magically occur to me. It’s like somehow the gift will encapsulate all the happy warmness (or perhaps ambivalence?) that we feel in this relationship and this is somehow communicated in the great gift.

Well it turns out that we couldn’t make space in the budget to buy everyone a gift, not even the $20 odd we sometimes squeeze in. So the beginnings of our home made Christmas were a shopping list, lots of butter, flour, eggs, sugar, and the occasional sprinkle of sugar balls. We turned out some shortbread, gingerbread, jam, and chutney. We set aside two afternoons decorate the cookies, squeezing icing as daintily as possible, and wrapping them up in some gorgeous bowls and a small note.

I was a little tentative all the while, thinking that perhaps someone secretly thinks, “Oh it’s home made, it’s not as good as the shops”. But it was quite the opposite, really. We had a tremendously positive response to our home made goods, and I think the penny really dropped when I realised that it was the time and effort that our relatives and friends really appreciated. Perhaps they hadn’t used a jam or chutney recipe before, and so it was a pleasant surprise to find out we gave it a go.

It turns out most people don’t have the time to bake, or lack the inclination to do so. It also seems that not everyone wants to give handmade gifts, maybe I’ve cornered the market, woohoo! (I’m a hospitable sort, and I love having food around me. No one’s going to starve in my house, that’s for sure.) I like cooking, and it’s an important skill to practise. I just don’t want to eat everything that I bake. Just one portion of brownie is fine with me!

So the lesson I’ve taken away this Christmas is that any issues about the gift are really from myself, not from the recipient. Most of our friends and relatives can afford anything they need, and have the time to pick up something they uniquely like. So it’s not my job to pick a gift that’ll somehow wow them. It was good enough to give them something that said, “I was thinking of you, and I hope you enjoy these.”