Dear Dr. Jung

I’m not so convinced of this, Dr. Jung. I mean, sure, you’re Carl Jung and all, and I’m a nobody, but I like to think that my 50 years of experience as, well, me, are better summed by my personal experience.

The fact is: I am what happened to me. Not because I allow myself to be stuck in times and places in my life that were awful — or amazing, for that matter — but because those experiences are all bricks in the foundation that is me.

Each brick, or experience, contributes to the totality of who I am.

Detail of an illustration of a solar barge on page 55 of Carl Jung’s Red Book

If I picture myself as a house, with my heart and soul at the center, then I am surrounded and supported by the bricks of my life. My experiences. My take on what happened to me. My memories. My reactions to experiences good and bad.

Some things, like being told I wasn’t wanted by my mother, or being beaten by an older brother, happened more than once. Those bricks are huge. Walls, in fact, of negativity created by the words and actions of other people.

And while I don’t choose to run from my past, I don’t dwell there, either. In fact by recognizing that those same people who hurt me so deeply at times, who made me wish I was dead, could also yield in me a side that is incredibly forgiving, empathetic, and understanding, and has allowed me to become who I am today.

I won’t disagree, Dr. Jung, that in fact “I am what I choose to become.”

And who I am, who I have chosen to become, is a fully-realized adult: the sum of her parts, the woman warrior housing an inner child and survivor. The womanchild who has, and continues to do, “the work”: that necessary examination of my life, actions, choices, beliefs, and behaviors. I see where I have failed, and I try something else; I see where I have succeeded and work to build on those successes and strengths.

So we can agree, then, Dr. Jung, that we choose to become who we are. And this: I can agree with you on this: