I Am Sorry: Suite: Heather Blue-Green Eyes

I’m sorry that I let you believe that you were to blame for laying there while your little girl body was explored. That I allowed you to think that your white-blonde curls, blue-green eyes, and sassy mouth, were so tempting that OF COURSE it was your fault you were violated in obscene ways.

I am sorry that I felt ashamed of you, that I viewed you as damaged and disgusting and deserving of bad things.

I am sorry for feeling, and telling you, that, if only you hadn’t been cute, it wouldn’t have happened again again again.

I am sorry that I believed being fat would keep away boys and men and not hurt you in the process, by making you ashamed of yourself.

I am sorry I mocked you in the mirror, called you fat and ugly and disgusting and unlovable and unworthy.

I am sorry I let you believe that your life wasn’t worth living. I am sorry that I cut you with razors and stared at the blood instead of getting you help.

I am sorry that I didn’t love you when you deserved it.

I am sorry that I never told you this before: it wasn’t your fault.