Polywhat? The Beginning. Like so many things now, I happened upon a video on good ole FB that talked about polyamory. I’d never heard of it before then.

Polyamory — many loves. It’s not swinging. It’s not cheating. It’s keeping your steady, loving relationship with someone while letting yourself be open to more relationships . What kind of relationship? It’s for each “group” to decide. It’s all based in transparency and communication. If I have to say it once, I’ll say it a hundred times — communication, communication, communication. Talk NONSTOP with your people. Be honest. Honesty, honesty, honesty. If you don’t know polyamory, go research! I did.

Before I knew of polyamory, I had a couple of key experiences. First, I did cheat. I kissed a guy on a girl’s trip. I was infatuated with the guy. Knew him for mere hours. Head over heels. Dumb maybe, but I still had the feelings. I love my husband (legally, that is what he is). I’m trying to transition to partner. Habit. It’s very hard. Anyways, I told him about the kiss. Thus began the hardest 2 years of my life. We got through it. Now we communicate. We talk about everything. Second, I have a dear friend. I love this friend to infinity. She is a firecracker. Our late night talks about everything shaped me into who I am. Was it romantic? No. However, she came over one night. It was my husband and I, another guy friend and her. We played games and drank. My husband flirted with this incredible woman. She did too, because she can’t help herself. She’s electric, and they were sexy as hell. I only recently learned that this phenomenon has a name — compersion. It’s the opposite of jealousy. Look it up.

We did talk about it. He talked about how gorgeous, smart, and funny she was. Yes, she is. The other thing you need to understand is that we live in the country. Smart, lovely girls are hard to come by. And so, I found myself sad that he couldn’t — shouldn’t — pursue it. He really enjoyed himself.

So, I started throwing little bits of info at my husband — let’s call him F. I Started talking to F about it. Ridiculously of me, I suggested we try polyamory on our dating annivesary of 13 years. He went with it. I stated my case of why I wanted to try it (Refer back to 4 Reasons article).

I had no intention of actually pursuing a relationship at the moment. I had weight to lose and professional pursuits. I told him to he was free to…whatever…as long as I approved…which is where The List comes in. The List of family and friends off limits or green lighted. It was fun to talk about. Who we’d pursue things with, and if it was even a possibility. I admitted I wouldn’t mind seeing where things went with one of his good friends. He was actually okay with the idea. You know, for way in the future.

I didn’t tell anyone our plans. Except for my girlfriend above. She’s seeing someone, and so that was a no-go for F. He, however, told a couple of his friends. They thought it was cool. We were progressive and hip.

Then he told the guy I had a teensy thing for. We’ll call him J. J lives out of town and comes down to visit once in a while. He stays with us. F told J our plans. Not my potential feelings, thank goodness. Then, I could not help myself and flirted with J mercilessly at our home and he flirted back. F saw it all go down, and he was surprised when he enjoyed watching me blush and giggle. He said I looked beautiful. He then decided he liked the idea of J, because he trusted him. He’s known him a long time. We have lots of history. He wanted someone worthy of me. The whole affair was lovely and F knew.

Meanwhile J goes home and is mortified at his actions. Mortified. He has a history of sleeping with married women. He texts F and apologizes. Does not under any circumstances want to lose this friendship. F tells him not to worry about it. All is well.

Fast forward 3 weeks. J comes back down. A lovely night ensues. We flirt. We talk. It’s our night. F chills with his other friends who were over. That’s the weekend I learn that J and his dad are moving down. They came to look at land and houses. F forgot to mention this to me. He said he told me months ago. Ha! Nope. Anyways, we three hang out that Saturday night. F, J and I. F insists that I tell J that I could develop feelings for him. I state that at this point we have two options: pursue or not.

We choose to pursue. Remember, F is sitting through all of this. He has missed nothing. NOTHING. We three sit and talk for hours. About poly, our relationship, our ups and downs.

So, now we are on this journey. We don’t know where we are going, but we are growing and learning. No matter what happens, it is a good thing! We outgrew our boxes and sometimes it feels like we are just waking up, or meeting each other — who we really are — for the first time, and that in itself is worth it. Real relationships with care, love, communication and honesty. I wouldn’t say that polyamory is right for everyone. So far, it seems like it is right for us.