Avoid the problem with uncertain nonmonogamy terms.

At your local polyamory munch, you overhear the following between many newcomers:

Person A: “Great to meet other polyamorous people! My wife and I were wondering if there were others here.” (beaming smile)

Person B: “I know! My primary and I were saying the same thing!” (beaming smile back)

Person A: “It’s nice to meet you and your husband!” (big toothed grin)

Person B: “Oh, we’re not married, and we live about 2 hours apart. We’re solo.” (smile gone, looking at partner)

Person C: “Well, not everyone here is polyamorous. I’m a relationship anarchist, and my Dom is in an…


Just your average idiot obliviously pissing off his partner.

Quality… oh how we all want quality time, quality partners, quality sex, quality relationships. We tell our partners, we write on our profiles, and we continually tell ourselves, we want quality!

You’re either looking at a dating profile or finishing your own off, and you might add this little nugget of wisdom:

“I want quality over quantity!”

Great! That’s a great mindset… but… what does it mean? Sure, it’s understood that you’d rather date one high-quality person instead of ten people of low quality.

But what exactly is quality? …


The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.
- Vincent Van Gogh

I lost my virginity long after I lost my naivety. My chastity held out until I was 19. It was given to a lovely black girl with large, soft breasts who always smelled of lavender and rose.

My first time was not like so many of the horror stories of how one loses their virginity, and I’ve heard them all.

My story starts off well because there was no regret or disappointment…


Disclose relationships in polyamory without screwing it all up.

One of the unique aspects of polyamory is the fact that, unlike most other forms of monogamy and nonmonogamy, we usually disclose our partners to each other.

In monogamy, disclosing that you have a new love or sexual partner, which we’ll put under the umbrella of “intimate relationship,” is not a happy event. Telling your husband that you have a new sexual partner in monogamy comes with a “Great, I’ll file for divorce tomorrow,” response.

In an open relationship, you might not disclose all your sexual partners to your emotionally intimate…


It’s a safe bet that when you see me publish an article, I’m not with a significant other. I don’t tend to write on a date; I also try to put the laptop away during sex.

My keyboard is not sitting next to me over dinner. It’s not curled up next to me on the couch during movie times.

That is to say, there are times when we will be alone regardless of the number of partners we have.

If you are in a cohabitating relationship, you might not experience this as much. Many married couples open their relationships and…


A slightly rambling musing about a question that I've heard.

In today's world, everyone is attempting to be "woke," to reach self-actualization, to evolve and to be enlightened.

Polyamory has this same phenomenon, and we often tamp it down because it seems very arrogant to place yourself above other people. But is it all pure arrogance?

Historical Evolution

Let's make a comparison to today's monogamous couples and compare them to our contemporaries in countries where women are bought and sold under familial contracts.

Let's make a comparison to our history of monogamous couples being coworkers on a family farm, and not concerned…


Is a new dating revolution quietly going on while nobody is watching?

Back in my youth, the idea of using a website or an application for dating seemed very geeky. There were only a few rudimentary sites and very few choices.

If you lived through the late 1990s and the early 2000s, and you dated using the Internet, then you were most likely using chat software. And that chat software was most likely Yahoo Chat.

In fact, Yahoo Chat resurfaced for me in my 30s during my first divorce. I’d be in a single relationship for eight solid years. …


Are you truly ready to handle multiple partners or even one!

When I go to MeetUp groups or look at posts to online groups, or even when I’m dating, I run into people who have beginner questions about polyamory.

In fact, I get these so much that it’s why I started https:\\Polyamory.School, because there seems to be an endless line of people asking questions starting out and maintaining relationships for about the first 5–10 years of polyamory.

However, it is as though some have never dated before, which has never struck me as a reasonable explanation for all of these…


To fail, to fall, to lose, to hit bottom, hit the skids. Other than being an interesting thesaurus entry, we all fail to be successful at many things over the course of our lives.

Relationships are really no different. And statistically, those of us who practice polyamory will fail at more relationships than anyone else.

If you date twice the number of people, you are likely to have twice the number of heartbreaks and twice the number of breakups. …


One of the biggest issues in Polyamory comes from unicorns, those people who are dating both members of an established couple, who must deal with conflict that originates within the established couple.

It’s often very difficult being a unicorn, as this is a new experience for most people who have never been in a triad.

These issues including going long periods of not seeing partners due to jealousy, partners breaking up with one but not both of the persons in the couple, and dealing with time restrictions and feeling like a second class partner.

These issues can be especially emotional…

Polyamory School

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