I had to write this list to realise I was in a toxic relationship…

Breaking up with anyone is hard. This is someone in whom you have invested a lot of time, effort, money and emotions. Feeling guilty about endings things can be crippling.

This was how I felt anyway. So I actually wrote a list of some of the most upsetting moments that had happened in our year and a half together. In chronological order. And it made things a lot clearer.

  1. Telling me that having any previous sexual relations with a non white-person, prior to ever meeting him, was a deal breaker. He then made it clear that a transgression of this magnitude was the most shameful and disgusting thing that a white woman could do.
  2. Having any kind of casual sexual relationship, prior to meeting him, would make me a slut in his eyes.
  3. Telling me I was spending too much time at my exercise classes, I was too involved with the community there (all women), and he could see on my Facebook that other people in my class were at home, so why the hell was I still there?
  4. Punching a washing machine 3 times in a rage, then slamming shut my only exiting door from the room.
  5. Informing me that he didn’t like me to be drunk in the company of other men.
  6. Kicking the leg off a coffee table in a rage because it was broken, then screaming ‘shut up’ in my face when I tried to calm him down.
  7. Asking me why I was online on WhatsApp and not talking to him or replying immediately.
  8. Accusing me of messaging other men because I had been online on WhatsApp and had not messaged him.
  9. Hiding his phone from me but demanding to use mine to casually surf the web or to check his own emails.
  10. Private messaging another girl on Facebook and liking her selfies, and responding to my questions about it by accusing me of having a ‘fuckbuddy’ before I had even met him.
  11. Asking me what I wanted for my birthday the day of my actual birthday, then giving it to me two weeks later, unwrapped.
  12. Knowing that he spent more on a gram of cocaine than he did on my birthday present.

  • This list does not include all of the upsetting moments I felt, nor does the amount of times a moment is mentioned directly correlate to the amount of times that it actually happened.
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