Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Grocery Shopping

20 year-old John: Time to make my bi-weekly trip to the Dominick’s in Lincoln Park!

28 year-old JR: Are we really at fucking Whole Foods again? I need to pay better attention to where we’re going when she drives.

20 year-old John: My fridge is completely bare, so I basically need to buy everything.

28 year-old JR: “I don’t have the list. I thought you had the list. There is no way we’ll remember everything that was on that list.”

20 year-old John: I like to stock up and put anything extra I buy in the freezer to enjoy later.

28 year-old JR: We come here like five times a week and only buy enough ingredients for ONE MEAL each time.

20 year-old John: OK, first off: breakfast stuff. Eggs, bacon, waffles, OJ, Pop-Tarts…

28 year-old JR: I’m not paying $6 for a dozen brown eggs. I don’t care how well the chickens were treated — we’re getting the two-dollar box.

20 year-old John: Definitely need a few loaves of bread. Love having bread with every meal.

28 year-old JR: walks past bread aisle

20 year-old John: Couple pounds of sando meat are a must. My apartment is going to smell like a goddamn Italian deli.

28 year-old JR: I’m going to lie and tell her these chicken breasts don’t have rib meat on them.

20 year-old John: Dozen Honeycrisp apples, boom. Healthy and fucking delicious.

28 year-old JR: “No, we don’t need three things of berries. We only eat them at breakfast and always end up throwing one away. You are not going to start making smoothies you liar!”

20 year-old John: Aww man, I should probably grab some vegetables. Celery’s a healthy veggie right? I’ll eat it with the frozen buffalo wings I got for dinner.

28 year-old JR: We need a bag of spinach since the spinach we bought last week went bad. Plus some avocados that will only be ripe for a small three-minute window while we’re asleep.

20 year-old John: Can’t forget the ingredients to my favorite meal: pasta, vodka sauce and meatballs. A nice filling dinner that I can eat all weekend!

28 year-old JR: “Who cares if they were raised on a farm, salmon is salmon. I’m not paying ten more bucks because this one swam by a turtle once.”

20 year-old John: I’m completely out of booze and need to stock my fridge. grabs case of Rolling Rock cans.

28 year-old JR: “Babe, look! They have whiskey here. Do we have whiskey ? Didn’t I just buy whiskey? Either way I’m getting this for our bar.”

At checkout

20 year-old John: “Uhh yeah I’m going to need some bags.”

28 year-old JR: “Hey! We brought these from home. Remove those bag charges.”

20 year-old John: Nice! Kept everything under $75 bucks

28 year-old JR: How in the everloving fuck did these five things cost almost $110?

20 year-old John: Now to speed walk half a mile home carrying all these bags while my traps feel like they’re going to explode.

28 year-old JR: “What?!? Now we have to go to COSTCO too?”

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