How do you approach a difficult conversation?
We live in a time where our digital connection is 24/7, yet still having the feelings of loneliness. The curious thing about loneliness is that some of us feel it and contribute to it. Standing someone up, ghosting, and icing perpetuate a dismissive dating and social culture where it’s the norm to bail before the big talk has become like a standard. Because some never grow up mentally and stay stuck in their teenager behaviour.
When a person doesn’t want to continue seeing someone after a few dates, it is always difficult for that person to communicate the message. Most often the attraction isn’t mutual, or things just aren’t clicking smoothly and naturally. Regardless, it’s human nature to take the rejection personally which makes uttering the words feel terrible. There is nothing wrong with them, they simply didn’t fit someone else’s criteria. Most times it truly is nothing personal.
An important thing to keep in mind is that in the dating world rejection is an even playing field. We think it’s best to offer honest, thoughtful, gracious feedback. Draw from your own experiences of being on the receiving end of uncomfortable feedback. Use whatever tactics feel best to you and offer others that same courtesy. If you’re not sure how to start the dialogue, I suggest something like; “I respect you and want to be as candid as possible.”
One of the best ways to do this is to wait for a time that’s right for both of you — when you both can focus and be present. Be sure to choose a location where you can comfortably speak. Be honest, direct, and use simple statements. Telling the truth will feel bittersweet and even though it may hurt the other person to hear the difficult news initially, time will take care of healing their heart.
It’s not easy to give or receive unfavourable information. Dig deep to accept the difficult news with grace and find the lessons buried in the experience.
One hugely important thing is realizing the impact of NOT having the difficult conversations. Most people are good-hearted and don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
Being open and honest is empowering and can change others’ perspective of you for the better even if you’re not saying something they want to hear. It’s sexy to have the confidence and security to be transparent and tell the truth. Ghosting is cowardly and immature. People deserve truth and kindness; you stepping up and speaking your truth says more about you than it does them.
Get clear on what you want and need and be mindful from the very first introduction so you’re in a state of dating consciously. After a couple of dates, don’t feel bad telling someone you don’t think it’s a fit. However, if this is someone you’ve been dating and communicating with regularly tread lightly with kindness and compassion when letting them know you’re not interested in a relationship. If you’ve lost that loving feeling for someone you’re in a relationship with, be very sure the relationship is the issue before breaking things off. Sometimes stress in the workplace, a change in schedule, jealousy, family issues, etc. can cause the rift. Breaking off the romantic connection might be the right move, but before doing so be clear if this is someone you’d like to keep in your life and let them know. If not, lovingly say goodbye.
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