What really happens when you (have to) grow (mentally)?
And how do you deal with the trauma that come as a sidekick?
The last one month in my life changed the entire perspective in my head about all the general ideologies instated about growth, development and success. And the problem with these kind of phases is, well, that nobody really understands. I happened to convert one of my mini goals into reality after sincere hard work and tonnes of luck, but all of it came at a cost I wasn’t expecting to pay. (Not delving deeper……)
The little resentment from/push away/fading off of relationships and thoughtless staying up to wander with the if(s) and now if I can(s), have to be the strongest two areas that screw us up literally. The immense torture on the brain to figure out why something that is supposed to change our lives and make us happier, is going totally the other way round. And deep between those lines of desperation when we miserably fail to find solace in another human in any form, there is no other way left than to come back home to our own selves.
When we are challenged to grow mentally, the last thing we have on our mind is our mind. We seek redemption in every other way possible except looking in ourselves. Here are a few things we all know at least intrinsically:
- We never really choose to grow up all mature and wise until life throws those water filled balloons on our favourite shirts to spoil the crease.
- In the process of merely accepting that something has changed, we infinitely look for cues to stick back to the patterns of our previous life.
- Anything new in our life comes at a cost. And this cost definitely includes a subtle addition of giving away a part of what we had before in our hands.
- Mental growth, in literal terms, has got more to do with reducing dependence on everything that makes us weaker than focusing solely on making us independent. The latter is a very gradual process, consuming even the last second of our breath.
- Because the older version of everything that made us feel comfortable and warm, is too close to our hearts, we create certain ‘strings’ to cope.
Strings: Anything and everything humanly possible done by us to delay or prevent the entrance or sustainability of a new change.
These strings can arise in a figure of a friend, acquaintance, social media platform, running away alternatives or something as distracting and distressing as a cigarette or just a sip of alcohol, that later converts into a habit anyway.
The common thing about growth and change is that both are inevitable AND dreadful.
A life changing lie or a betrayal; ending of an assumed forever or changed preferences with time; an unexpected response or a sudden caught disease. Haven’t we all feared these and tried to curb down every ounce of a new-ness that life was offering at our doorsteps?
But there is a key to handle all the pressure and emotional disturbances that most of these bring along almost every single day, only on us that we realise it on the ‘destined time’. The key: TRAIN THE MIND.
When I was unsure what I could do to deal with the stress that I thought wouldn’t ever appear in my life, and that there was no way I could interfere in its existence, I made a list of things I read out to myself every morning when I woke up after having a glass of warm water. All the times of the day I was feeling low and sceptical and hyper active to shoot another reaction, I read it calm and again.
And I have ZERO idea why I did what I did. But I would be selfish if wasn’t sharing the formula that worked for me and might work with you too.
- Is this going to make me a better and stronger person tomorrow? Yes.
- Can I deal with it on my own? Yes.
- Is this stress that might cost me a cancer (please read the research done in the field lately to know more) someday worth it? No.
- If I were to distract myself at this moment, what would I do? My answer usually boils down to switching off the internet for sometime. And that so works for me. Find your own answer within you.
- Instead of daydreaming and wondering the possibilities, wouldn’t I be better if I was (in my case) just drawing a new circular pattern or reading about the new stuff on Medium or dancing in a closed room with volume high?
- REMEMBER to look at yourself in the mirror. Do it right now. This too shall pass, with a smile there.
- Anything that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (old but evergreen).
- Hopelessness is a sin.
- Deal with this. Work harder. Reach the top to look down and support the ladder that lets them up. There’s nothing more satisfactory in the world than watching people you be kind even after you are successful.
- But before that, be kind to yourself. :)
This list was probably a temporary assignment to a temporary situation that sometimes pushes people to rather pursue over analysing depression or dangerous habits or a loneliness zone or prone to extremely high stress levels inviting deadly diseases.
Embracing a change and letting go of the past to grow mentally doesn’t have to be an art. It can rather be a process of self-introduction and understanding that at the end of the day, we are on our own. And nothing and nobody in the world can replace the essence of the maturity that we instil within ourselves. The wisdom is to track the mind and control it instead of being controlled.