we don’t really know if any relationship is going to last decades
Avoiding Comparative and Future Statements in Polyamorous Relationships
Chris (Mystic Life)
31

Chris,

You had me standing in the aisles, raising my hand and shouting, “Amen!” at the top of my lungs for most of this great piece. And then I got to this part here and that’s where you lost me.

Expressing the notion that you want to be with someone forever is not a guarantee of future fidelity. It merely expresses your feeling at that moment that you don’t see anything on the immediate horizon that would necessitate a break-up.

No one is going to say, “I want to be with you for the next four, maybe five months. . . tops.” Because, really, does anyone go into a relationship looking for a limited-time run? I mean, other than the designated one-night stand? Even vacation romances have the potential to exist after returning home.

You are amazingly right about not comparing one partner to another, about the danger of using superlatives when talking to a partner, and about understanding how knowing you are enough can help you lose the desire for those kinds of ego boosts. All of that? Couldn’t agree more.

Though I really think you need to reconsider your opposition to someone expressing a desire-of-the-moment to stay with someone. It’s completely different from saying, “I promise to never leave you.” That I can understand your hesitance.

Keep writing such good stuff. I’ll be back for more.

Praxis

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