I lay on my back in bed, one arm supporting my head, questioning the outcome of the upcoming school year. Like always, I mentally prepared myself for the large piles of work of the future and tried to re-accustom myself to a daily work routine. However, one thing troubled me in the pit of my stomach, I was haunted by the fear of repeating my mistakes of the previous year.
It was Grade 10, and I remember scurrying through the hallways attempting to find my classes. My first semester consisted of Computer Engineering, Design Tech, French, and English. My nature as an over-achiever would push me to try my best and earn the best scores I could receive. Since I only had two challenging courses, English and French, and the other two, Computer Tech. and Tech Design, were easier, so I took that term very lightly. I worked very hard in English and French but in the other two classes I goofed off, becoming lazier and ignorant.
When second semester started, I had harder subjects that include Science, Math, History, and Business. Considering my first break-up, and the bad habits I picked up from the semester before, I became indolent and de-motivated towards school and other activities. In class, I would get bored quickly, which led to a short attention span and daily sessions of daydreaming that jeopardized my learning. At home, homework that would regularly take half an hour to an hour to complete, took me three to four hours, I was completely lost.
In order to find myself again, I tried my best to bring positivity back into my life, so I turned to a more spiritual path. I educated myself on meditation and chakras then began to question human existence. I learned that nature’s main purpose was to reproduce and whatever else you spent your time doing or chose to do, became your life’s purpose. This pushed me to believe that school was being forced upon us. I felt it was nothing but a waste of time and our true design was to do what we were passionate about.
I began feeling trapped within society’s clutches and was convinced that we did not have true freedom, only the manifestation of it. But what is the definition of freedom? My perception of the word could be different from another’s, so who am I to say my statement is correct. All these questions strained my mind and took my attention away from school. My head was full of inquires to which I had absolutely no answer, knowing this frustrated me and left me aggravated. These uneasy feelings affected my relationships with others and my schooling.
Finally, I decided to talk to someone about it, the wisest of person I knew, my uncle. After spilling my soul to him, he told me that life was simple and I was unnecessarily complicating my situation.
“If you cannot change the world we live in or find answers to which there are no answers, you learn to adapt and keep moving forward because the only one who is being harmed is you.”
I finally understood that to have attained true inner peace or have reached nirvana; you are at bliss no matter your location or condition.
Having the summer off helped me re-evaluate my priorities and set goals, which would aid my success. I promised myself that I would work harder, correct my mistakes and shortcomings, build a strong academic foundation, effectively structure my future, and follow my passion. Then, I could spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what its all about…