On escaping codependency and need to have a fucking relationship

So this is a common shit problem for people of young age. Unfortunately as fuck, it is possible to make certain shit decisions in your life that will leave this issue unresolved and you might find parents and even grandparents struggling to face or even admit that they have trouble being on their own. 
It starts out in adolescence when the sudden change in hormones and physical appearance seem to have the dramatic effect of washing away any childhood egocentrism. Children don’t really have self-esteem, they like themselves and are seemingly self-obsessed and preoccupied with their needs but they lack the self-awareness to truly have what is called “self-esteem”. Generally, they are (cute) little shits. 
So in your young adolescence, which may be the worst fucking time to coincidentally start discovering yourself, you for the first time start developing an image of self. You seek affirmation from your parents, peers, friends and, of course, you end up seeking affirmation from a significant other. You might have experienced the true fucking pain of having a crush and having no ability to act on it because you likely have little confidence (even if you effectively make a pretense of it). You are like a baseball player with no arms, and life is a pitcher that keeps throwing balls at your face (no pun intended, you fucking nasty). Often you might see your friends enter (shitty) relationships and you might think to yourself:“ OH GOD, WHAT DOESNT ANYBODY LOVE ME I MUST BE A HIDEOUS MONSTER”. You might seek attention and without proper retribution, you might settle for ANY kind of attention and thus starts the cycle. 
The issue is that is you are lonely, sad, unsure of yourself and struggling with a constant need of attention (only the utmost brave of us are damn strong enough to admit) the remedy is not to seek attention from any possible source, but contrary, be on your own. Please note that this is a great opportunity to insert the typical shit cliche of “Learn to love yourself so others can too” and everyone might benefit from that in a long run, but that is beside my point. The fucking point that I am trying to make is that if you are weak or vulnerable you might find yourself in a situation where your insignificant other will exploit the fiery hell out of you and drain all the goodness you have as a human being. If you are romantic and hopeful about love and kind and sensitive and you are looking for true love to be the wind behind your wings you might fall victim to someone who has been hurt in the past, that will grow disillusionment inside of you and make you feel like shit for no goddamn reason.
“HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE”-anonymous. If you need someone to show you how truly special and wonderful you are because you don’t believe it yourself, you are giving them the power to crush you and raise you out dust. In truth, no one should have that power. Only you can truly save yourself from shit and build yourself up. If you are using someone as a crutch, one day you will lose a muscle mass to move on your own. The truly worst case scenario is where you fall in love with a person who does not know your best true self and you are unable to show them. You might feel like no one will love you or understand you like they do, but that is not true. My advice is to wait. And no, not wait “for the right person” if such things exist, but wait until you are strong enough to know that you are worthy of love and respect. Strong enough to take all the pain and bullshit that love might bring with it without letting it swallow you. Strong enough to know when you are worthy of asking for more or better or walking away from something that is toxic. When you have strength and confidence you are able to make clear-headed decisions about the type of love you choose to have in your life, instead of the one that fills a void and need of attention.


Originally published at profaneinspiration.tumblr.com.

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