The “To Don’t” List
I am tired. Are you tired? Of course, you are tired; we are all tired. Well, maybe not Gwyneth Paltrow, but screw her. While I sincerely believe humans are all tired, I believe mothers are indisputably the most exhausted creatures on the planet. Yea yea, fathers work hard, but seriously how many men have jumped out of bed at the foreboding sound of a dropped pacifier? Oh yes, this has actually happened to me. I think it is simply a fact of motherhood that once they place that adorable, panic-inducing, bundle into your arms your sleep-filled nights and well rested mornings are gone forever. Even my mother with her 3 grown and capable children cannot seem to get a good night’s sleep. Why? Because we worry, fret, agonize over everything. I heard a cliche once that seems to ring so true in the most malicious way; “motherhood changes you because now you have a piece of your heart living outside your body.” Cheesy AF yes, but I think it really captures the inner workings of our mommy brain. It doesn’t matter what I am doing or how engaged I am, there is a part of my mind that is constantly endlessly thinking about my daughters. I don’t think that part, like my daughter, every truly shuts up.
So besides this defective splintered brain, we also have to deal with EVERY OTHER THING WE HAVE TO DO. I’m not even talking laundry, doctor appointments, dinner, etc. I am talking about the stupid shit we think we have to do. Seriously, on top of making sure my daughter is alive at the end of the day I am also supposed to:
drink 8 glasses of purified water and did you know apparently wine doesn’t count?
run 30 minutes seriously what are we running from?
do light cardio
do weight training
craft something shitty no one wants
volunteer at school
make my own organic cleaning supplies with essential oils
brush after every meal for two WHOLE FREAKING MINUTES.. only Gwyneth has that kind of time
floss 2x a day really?
clean the tops of my doors thanks pinterest, I can never unknow about that now
bake seasonally appropriate desserts
make our kids’ lunches into a work of art
keep up that baby scrapbook FOR EACH KID!
make and drink smoothies which really should have kale
cook with quinoa oh quinoa., my nemesis
have really hot, frequent, smooth leg, sex with my husband
Seriously? Just making that list made me want to sleep.
Here’s the thing we need to tell each other and ourselves. No one fucking cares about that list. Anyone who judges your door tops have no business in your life you dont need that kind of negativity! My husband would be thrilled with somewhat occasional lukewarm sex with his lumberjack, dehydrated, spongy wife. The teachers don’t want parents there anyway. Smoothies are just like milkshakes which you can get at any drive-through and around St. Patrick’s day they come in green, which obviously means they have kale in them. And don’t get me started on quinoa, ohh I get all enraged just thinking about you, you little insidious grain that have wormed your way into every potluck dish for the last 3 years.
The point is stop trying so hard. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Next time you make a to- do list stop and make a to don’t list just filled with crap you DON’T need to do…
- Dust that fan… its almost Halloween so dust and cobwebs are like a decoration
- Decorate for Halloween… see fan
- Bake ANYTHING from scratch with the word pumpkin in it.. that is what Starbucks is for….
- Construct a costume I am not MacGyver. I will head to Target with my head held high and make my kids’ dreams of owning something glittery and uber trendy come true.
- clean out my car good thing about winter coming is that your car won’t smell badly as quickly…