What’s Happening With Me
Target and I at 3100 14th Street NW Washington DC 20010 USA, our favorite meeting place. (Image: Medium/Libby Watson.)
In a moving Medium post published on Tuesday, Twitter co-founder Biz Stone announced that he would be rejoining the company he created with Jack Dorsey in 2006. I, however, also have some major news.
I go to Target about once a week. When I go there, that red-walled cathedral of dreams, I buy dozens of products and items for my apartment. It’s been a part of my life for years.
There’s something about the personality of a corporate megastore that comes from the folks who work there. There’s a special feeling they bring with them. Stocking Tangerine La Croix was a big step forward. And now, it’s my turn — I’m going to Target tonight to buy some products! How this came about is kind of a crazy story but, it’s happening.
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How It Happened
Last night, I ran out of Bonne Maman® Preserves (Apricot) after eating my Nightly Delicious Snack. As a result, I was caught apricot jam-less this morning. This is not a huge deal, really — I’m the type of person who has to eat her breakfast, whether or not I have my preferred brand of jam — and I’ve accumulated a variety of great spreads over the years. So instead, I had Bonne Maman® Preserves (Raspberry)! It was wonderful, if slightly less apricot-filled than I prefer — and then it happened.
My previous commitment this evening was cancelled. Suddenly, I had an evening free to myself. What would I do with that time? The thought occurred to me: perhaps I’d make the short journey up 14th Street and pay a visit to Target. I was overcome with emotion. I realized in that moment that purchasing items at Target was the most important work of my life.
I suggested this to my boyfriend. He cheered me on — great idea, he said. But I wasn’t really sure if he meant it. After six or seven repeated inquiries — “are u sure thats ok? do you want to come with me? if u want to come or not thats fine, it doesnt matter. i can just get the things you need. do u need more coffee filters? which brand do u like best?” — he told me to just go and be with Target and probably not talk to him when I got home. I was stunned, but I knew what I had to do.
What I’ll Be Doing
My top focus will be to acquire those sweet Bonne Maman Preserves® (Apricot), the glorious nectar of sugar and tart fruit. That’s what I feel will bring the most to my life. It’s important that everyone understands the value Target can bring to their lives, and more importantly, the range of apparel, household items, and furniture you can acquire there. I’ll be purchasing a range of said products. More soon.
I’m not replacing any void in my life with Target. Somebody mentioned I’m just “filling time until the maw of death engulfs me, and all that I know.” You might even say that day approaches with ever-increasing haste. But my boyfriend said it best when I told him I was headed to Target: “i’m at work right now, i can’t talk to you about everything you do with your day, let me breathe.”
My excitement at the chance to spend my evening at Target, purchasing sponges and patio lights and, yes, Bonne Maman Preserves® (Apricot), is over-the-moon. As I truly believe, and as I’ve written before, Target is the one true God, the Lord, the Creator, the Universal Truth, of all that exists. The world needs Target, and it’s here to stay. I’m so lucky that I get to step back in and help shape it’s [sic] future.
Product devotee, Target Corporation
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Originally published at gizmodo.com on May 16, 2017.