The art of manipulation is not about making people do what you want them to do but rather getting them to want to do what you want them to do. The Art of War by Sun Tzu is the perfect book to learn this. As he says in it “we must know thyself and thy enemy”.
So how do you get people to want to do what you want them to. First you have to learn their true desires and reverse engineer it toward the goal you want to accomplish.
The closer the person is to you, the easier it is to manipulate. The closer the person is to you, the easier it is to manipulate, and yes I said this twice, very important. Thus, romantic partners or mates are the best prospects to test your manipulation skills. And if “manipulation” feels like a bad word, think of it as persuasion.
You want to persuade people. You have to make people feel like it was their choice all along. In general, men want perfectionism and women tend to want wholeness. So what does that mean? Men are usually more easily persuaded by mastery and the ego associated with improvement. So displaying uncertainty on whether or not a man can improve taunts the ego in a gentle way that yields progress. With women, being balanced in many areas in life, especially with relationships of friends and family is a MUST. Thus, suffocating time or impact on specific relationships creates a burning desire to bring it up (balance).
On some level, we all need balance and we all need to sacrifice and focus. But statistically, women tend to lean towards balance while men tend to lean towards focusing on perfectionism.
In the midst of any persuasion tactic, it’s wise to never disobey the law or cognitive bias called “liking and loving tendency”. What is that? If Adolf Hitler says 2+2=4 and Oprah says 2+2=5, even though we hate Hitler, he is correct and Oprah (loved by many) is wrong. However, most people would believe Oprah because they associate (association bias) her with everything positive. You must care about how you make others feel. Because just like Maya Angelou says, people may forget what you did or said but they will remember the way you made them feel.
Also, most people want to manipulate over the short term. However, the true art of manipulation is really loving the long game. Patience is a virtue. Similarly to how professionals make their “art” looks easy, you have to make the persuasiveness feel and flow effortlessly. It takes time, and patience for you to mentally overcome your mental barriers and get your mindset right.
One of the things that mentally hurt manipulators in this process is not understanding and GOING with mother nature. Just like a boulder rolling down the hill, you want to let gravity (nature) pull you. Don’t force or go against mother nature. When it rains, we adapt by getting an umbrella or jacket. When it is hot, we wear less or light layers of clothing. Basically, I'm saying don't be delusional and adjust to what is. How do you test for delusion? Two ways: doing the right thing in the wrong order is still the wrong thing aka, misprioritization of priorities & having expectations of output from the wrong input. So with people, we have to know their personality type, how they respond to certain environments, and what are their personal boundaries.
So here’s the good part. The mental frameworks are out of the way. So how exactly you get them to do the thing? First, you have to lead with the reward. People love the release of the dopamine aka reward. How can the “thing” you want them to do benefit them? Now, don’t tell them directly to do it. Studies have shown, 90% of the time, people hate being told what to do. Instead, you help them come to same conclusion on their own “path”. People love feeling like it was THEIR idea (not yours). So let them own it. The only real hard part is attaching the “reward” or benefit to the thing. Because if people don’t understand how something benefits them, they will likely never do it.
Also, looking at correlations of what people (that do the thing you want to instill) do as well as the “thing”. For example, if you want to persuade someone to lose weight and bringing up the word “diet” is hard. Try talking about improved skin complexion (which is indirectly correlated to great diets).
You can lead people to water but sometimes you can't make them drink. So instead, make them THIRSTY. Curiosity wins! Get the person curious about topics and you'll get nature working for you, similar to a boulder rolling down the hill due to gravity. Never disobey all scientific laws, just flow with it.
Best example of manipulation is the scam of higher education. High school students are effortlessly manipulated and curious about the rewards following a worthless degree. K-12, or 13 years of schooling just to ruin ones’ credit and take away their “free money”, the education system even understands the importance of the “long game”.
Once you have successfully manipulated, never expose yourself because it will disobey liking and loving tendency and people will cut you off. You don’t want that. Maintain consciousness of how you are making them feel and try to manipulate, “persuade”, for the best, don’t be evil.
Now you’ve read about “what” is the art of manipulation. Read Part 2 for more details and specifics that can your life!