Last night was Mother’s Day dinner. I thought i could take a nice picture with Lexi but a wave of emotions hit me last night when i thought I was ok. It started in the evening when we were preparing to go out. I just feel really down, then zy said something that triggered me. I wanted to give her more milk but he insisted that she just drank milk about an hour ago. But somehow a seemingly neutral comment triggered the water works. Tried to keep it all in.

Went into the car and she started to be fussy. Decided to latch her, as I just pumped , there’s not much juice left. Naturally she got frustrated. Continued on to the restaurant. She started to be fussy again. Not sure what was wrong? Then we realized her diaper is wet. Went to Change her and she was better. But after awhile she got fussy again. This time she was hungry. Went out to give her a bottle and started to cry while feeding her. In my head I just kept thinking.. “How am I supposed to do this for long?” Really tired.

Tears just keep flowing thinking about the tiring road ahead. It just does not stop. My mum came out and saw me crying. Naturally she ask me to stop crying and just made me cry more.

So teary and red eyed I finished dinner and she fussed again, crying like mad as she pooped. Got fussy again in the car. Latched her again and she finally stopped and went to sleep.

She’s such a light sleeper that you got to be really careful to put her down

Gotta tell myself it’s ok. Things will get better. It’s ok to carry. It’s ok it’s ok it’s ok