A musical expression.
A short written letter.
Sometimes that is all.
Sometimes that is all it takes.
To break hearts or cause hate.
Is this my destiny, is this my fate.
Always eager inside.
Inpatient, cannot wait.
To see what happens, if i’m too late.
Going to need my head testing after all this rebirth.
Or maybe this is that.
And that is this.
Falling on bliss.
Cushioned stolen from your kiss.
Emotion and turmoil.
Whats the way that i can only wish to know.
Before i stay.
After i go.
Believing is becoming acceptance.
Once i wrote this funky rhyme backwards before i woke.
I believed i was drowning and beginning to choke.
Thrusting my arms, trying to swim.
Trying to stay afloat.
If i could of seen this storm coming, i would have had time to prepare, time to build some kind of boat.
Without the sight of the lord. I’m crippled, my reality begins to distort.
Keep my dearest thoughts to myself for the fear that they’ll become not what i thought.
After all though. My thought that is, not ‘all’.
I’m writing to ‘the powers that be’ in hope of understanding. And get no reply, breaking my belief once more.
And.. Yes i started a sentence with AND, so what!. It’s not a crime. It’s here!. In black and white. As part song. As part of my rhyme.
So fear not self. Relief from the taunting mystery will forsake you, eventually.
For never is the minds eye self explanatory like the heart has its most common of flaws.
Codes. Numbers. Doors. People. Thoughts. Not knowing. Sometimes i’m Not sure which i’m fearing most. Probably none. Just scared the world will implode destroying everything i secretly hold so dear. In hope that one day all of this hurt i’ve caused. Will be fixed one day, after this bout of FEAR. But hey, can’t get me down anymore, not letting things go that way anymore. Not now. And not like before. Not how you want it, i’ll change everything that makes life better. In the desire to optimise my surroundings. To modify the core. Strip down to the bare bones in search of a greater understanding.
Maybe dreams do come true sometimes.
Maybe sometimes they DO happen to YOU.
Is this for REAL???!!?
Those are a few words to myself, more of a summary or culmination of the written word and thought fom an idea i just had, re-had and then recorded, played back and then self taught.
Like a ‘good idea’ disposal and sorting system.
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This part of the document is mostly unknown as many wont scroll this far down without at least a few pictures here and there to tempt you further into the document. Into the .txt file created in notepad. Nurtured, added to, poised over, deliberated over, toiled over. Slept over. Cried over.
Even though its digital. I feel your hurt.
I see your tears on the page. Sorry i never wrote you properly.
I’m hoping some of this might make up for my late awakening, of which i’m glad for. Otherwise i’d be quite quite unsane by now. Without a doubt.
But how come others have faith in me when i don’t even have faith in myself?
Is that some kind of of motivational technique?
Or is it REAL?
Breakfast times i should snack on cornflakes or oatmeal.
Write edgy text about burning giraffe and clubbing seal.
Lets throw in some flaming kittens for good measure.
Allowing things go fictional.
To allow once more the forsaken quest for ‘treasure’.
Not treasure of wealth, but treasure of health.
Treasure that feels right, not that nothing might.
All the time i think of ‘____’, and now i think of ‘_____’ too.
And of course about ‘____’. She’s the reason we all care so much, and with good reason too.
That is enough, i’ve said too much.
Yet again i’m out of touch.
Something to hold onto, someone to touch?
Grasping at the possibility.
Holding onto possibly nothing with my clutch.
I care about this all, that is why i’m sat here, not doing all that much.
Frozen in time here with my own dampening but dried out first hand thoughts.
Out of fear of hurting others emotionally.
Could i have done things better? Yes. Probably. But who knows. Such better ways might have in turn caused ‘other’ unseen circumstances. So i that manner of thinking.
No i couldn’t have done better.
Because it might have not lead me here.
Wherever HERE actually is.
Now it’s just the essence of my minds thoughts floating here in cyberspace.
Which brings me to my idea. A webpage where instead being able to edit and change posts. Its the opposite. Once you’ve posted it, it becomes like ‘set in stone’ there forever written as it first was. The concept is that it will force people to keep notes. And edit stuff before they publish or post it. Also it kinda means more if you know its gonna be there forever for anyone to read until the end of time. Just an idea