A Day At A Time
It’s been a while since I wrote a blog post, and that’s largely because I’ve been coping a little better this month. I am still not ok with my situation but I’m learning to accept it, and to see that there’s a certain serenity that comes with acceptance and of letting go of things when the outcome is already pre-determined.
To re-cap the last few weeks; I had my root canal retreatment which left me in more pain and £700 lighter. Since then my general dentist (a literal angel) has taken pity on me and drilled through the temporary crown to flush out the canals and put some antibiotics inside the tooth. It turns out it was still very infected and I was taken for a bit of a mug by the endodontist. It still hurts but I can just about chew again although I realise that I’ll still have to lose the tooth soon.
The upper left root canal isn’t causing me much pain, but the lower left tooth that my dentist had re-done the filling on three different times to no avail needed an emergency root canal this week as the nerves were very inflamed from the previous work.
Instead of concentrating on pain and the vanity involved with losing teeth, I’m trying to stay positive and look at the plus side. The biggest of which is that my general dentist hasn’t charged me for a single appointment all month. He feels pretty sorry for me since I’ve spent so much money with so-called specialists and am still in pain. So, that’s hours and hours of work, for free! Not just a competent dentist, but a truly great human being, and since I see him so often, he’s also becoming a friend.
The only way to get through this is to abandon my fears of how it’ll affect the way I look, and to try and have a sense of humour about it. I’ve laughed more these past few weeks than I have all year. Physically my situation is unchanged and my pain levels aren’t much better, but my way of thinking has altered significantly and it’s made all the difference.
Which brings me to CBT. Most of you already know that this is my third block of sessions and that I have a new therapist. She. Is. Wonderful. She’s everything a therapist should be; professional, warm, friendly, immediately instils a sense of comfort and is very easy to trust.
We’ve done some genuinely helpful work and I’m only four sessions in. The most important things we’ve done are exercises to help me see that I’m not to blame for my situation, and that there’s much more to me than my teeth.
I’m not suggesting for a second that I’m “cured”, I still get lost inside my own head sometimes, I still ruminate on things that I can’t change and I still indulge in unhealthy ‘checking’ behaviours but everything has been a little bit easier to cope with. One day at a time.