Research has clearly shown that the avoidance of failure undermines intrinsic motivation. Put bluntly, if you’re trying to avoid failure, you’re focused on the wrong things. And you can’t win long-term in life this way. Eventually, all of your relationships will run out. You can’t sustain the show for long. Your work will start being work, because it will solely be to maintain the “show.” When you stop winning — which eventually you will — all of your relationships will abandon you. Because they weren’t really there for you anyways. Everything in your life was a mirage.
You need to feel the searing pain that will shake your system and your core. Where you have to change because you never, ever, want to feel this again. When you reach this point, you really stop caring about your external image. As Rhett Butler says in Gone With the Wind, “Until you’ve lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is.”
“Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It’s quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn’t at all. You can be discouraged by failure — or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because, remember that’s where you will find success.” — Tom Watson, founder of IBM