Spare the Rod
Proverbs verse Proverbs 13:24: “Spare the rod and spoil the child”, is one of the most well-known, but also misquoted verses of the Jewish Torah and Christian Old Testament. The most common interpretation is to believe that if you do not hit your child for doing something wrong, then it is very likely that they will be ‘spoiled’ or continue to do something wrong. This interpretation comes from the Christian interpretation of the text instead of the Torah’s approved translation. This difference in the translations provides some additional insight into the meaning of the text.
The Hebrew translation of the text is: He who holds back his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him early. link
There are a few key words that help us to understand the text: rod, and discipline. Rod, in some context, implies the spine, and our connection to the world. It is our uprightness, our reliability, and precision. In parenting, this is the conversations to have with the child, being able to connect, providing the right education and support, and example, then it does unwell for the child.
Discipline can have two meanings. It can be our excitement to get out of bed at 6am every day, eating healthy, exercising and reflecting on the right and wrong things to express or teach a child. It can also mean being hit. In the right context, the benefits of discipline, follow through, etc.
Instead of the text implying that by not hitting a child, the child is spoiled, the Hebrew text suggests that if a parent is not disciplined (the rod being the uprightness of the parent) in their interactions with the child, that the child will be spoiled.
This lesson is relevant not just for raising children but for anything that we create and put out into the world. If we do not have discipline in building a business or any other endeavor, we will not reap the benefits of the outcome.
When looking at the context of these texts, as well as psychological effects, we can gain a deeper understanding. The texts are to bring humanity into order, to bring peace and to help us to have a connection with our best selves. Anyone who’s been old enough to be hit violently and to remember how they interacted with the world both before and after the violent event knows that there is a lasting effect that makes it harder to accomplish what we’re meant to do.
To illustrate these examples, I will point to the Trevor Noah biography: Born a Crime. In the book, Trevor’s mother is very religious. She treats him like an adult and those disciplined lessons stick with Trevor well into his adult life, but he still gets into trouble. It makes me wonder how much having had the talks and lessons about things like shoplifting, among other things might have kept him out of trouble. His mother did many wonderful things for him, and in no way am I questioning her parenting, but from Noah’s story, where his mother was disciplined in passing down lessons, those areas were not spoiled in him, and where violence (spanking) was used, he continued to get into trouble.
This makes me wonder if there is a collective wisdom that could be passed onto children and people, as a discipline, to help prevent us from becoming degraded, spoiled or less than our potential.
Would love to hear your thoughts. Please leave them below!
