Breaking up with a couple

Being is a swinger is not for the faint of heart.

Just like every other part of life, you have to take the good with the bad. It’s pretty exciting when you first meet a great couple who you become friends with. The feeling of knowing you and your spouse have found “that” couple is great! You’ve captured that elusive chemistry that’s so hard to find.

We’re all mature rational adults here right? Yes? OK. Then, we can get into the meat and potatoes on this subject. If I may abandon normal intellect for just a second here, I feel compelled to say that breaking up with Friends With Benefits totally sucks. Unfortunately, it comes with the territory that we call the Lifestyle.

Just because you’ve lost that lusty feeling for a couple doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be upfront, honest, and work hard to try and salvage the friendship portion. And in honor of the intimate times you’re all shared, this isn’t something you can do via email or over the phone. The right thing to do is ask them to dinner or perhaps meet for coffee somewhere. Make it a point to talk about how you’re feeling and how you arrived at the place where sex has to be removed from the friendship. There’s no doubt this is a hard conversation, but doesn’t get any easier by delaying. You may find that the feelings are agreeable (if not mutual), and then you can all agree to become Friends w/o Benefits.

The point is, we call ourselves “open minded”, so we need to be “open” to the idea that these honest conversations might take place.

The swinger community is full of some really cool and intelligent people who are fun-loving and flexible in how they approach life. They don’t just roll with the punches; they smile at the punches, kind of like Clint Eastwood (“right turn Clyde”). Most are very pragmatic and confident and need little to no reassurance from anyone that they are good people.

Breaking up has been hard to do since I was a teenager, so why would you expect it to be any easier as a couple? As appealing as it sounds, you can’t just disappear from the earth like you could as a youngster to avoid the uncomfortable conversation. Our advice is just to do the right thing. You’re not their primary relationship anyway (hopefully their marriage is solid and occupies that role!), so there is truly nothing to get mad about. We see it this way: if a couple doesn’t want to be with us sexually anymore then we’re ok with that. It’s all about managing expectations. Both your own and others’.

That’s why Mrs. Active and I have no expectations at all. You never know when you might be the one being moved on from, right? Always be willing to accept the fact that all good things must end. And when that moment comes, whether you’re the breaker or the couple be broken up with, remember this is all just for fun anyway.

We call it a Lifestyle but, it’s not all there is to life.


Originally published at inside.quiver.us on November 13, 2015.

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