my journey to swinging
I am LORD and I will be your guide today.
Though LADY will join us from time to time, she will largely be absent, as her schedule and life is quite more hectic than is mine. However, feel free to contact us with any questions you may have for us both, or for either of us. We’ll do our best to respond in both a timely as well as an appropriate manor.
What is a “Swinger” and where do we come from? What nebulous forces conspired to mold us into adults who resemble everyone else on the outside, but internally view our society from a completely different perspective. What exactly sets us apart from the “normal” people around us? Though I cannot begin to be so bold as to speak for the movement as a whole. Instead, I’ll provide you my story, my experience, and from that, my perspective on those questions. In my opinion, it’s the same line of thinking that set Mozart, Copernicus, and the Wright Brothers apart…they dared to challenge society’s accepted standards and forge their own path, even if within total secrecy.
All my life, I’ve been told what it takes to be happy, what happiness must consist of and what happiness may never consist of. Unfortunately for those antiquated sages of my youth attempting to craft a mirror image of their lives within my own, I had already had a glimpse of something different that made total sense to my 13 year old self.
I was born into coal mining family in a small town in West Virginia. Our county consisted of no stoplights, no restaurants, one high school and all the woods one could ever desire to explore, within which, I spent much of my youth. However many hours per week was spent within the confines of my family home searching for something exciting to discover and do. It was during a cold winter’s day that my parents were away for the evening and my sisters were away with friends, leaving me with the house to myself. I believe all children pass through the curiosity phase at one point or another, or perhaps I was just more curious than the average child.
Regardless, giving myself the excuse of looking for something (that I no longer remember), I began perusing my parents bedroom. My parents, from the time of my early childhood, were always sexually active. They made modest efforts to conceal most of the items they had collected throughout their years, however others, such as videos my mother illegally recorded after renting them at the local video store, all cryptically marked “DP I, DP II, Swingin’ etc.”, were placed without much concern for their potential audience. To a 13 year old boy in puberty, it might as well have had a neon “watch me” sign with an arrow placed above it. That evening eventually changed the course of my life.
I went on to lead a “normal” monogamous life, marrying my high school sweetheart, immediately starting a family and having children. A few times throughout the relationship when the topics of alternate lifestyles, bisexuality, swinging, etc., would appear on their own, I would subtly paint them in a not-so-negative light, each time it was met with a frown and some level of scolding. Each time, my internal desires would retreat back to the portion of my thoughts from whence they came, and so it went for 15 years. In 2011, for reasons I’m choosing to omit out of respect for her and the kids, we separated and I was awarded full custody of my children who by this point are all in their mid teens. Once all the moving parts of their lives had become stabilized, I realized that my world had changed just as much, if not more, than had theirs. My future now was once again in my own hands to shape in any manner I saw fit. Learning from the mistakes of my past, I set forth to create the life I always dreamed of living.
How do two adults, each with the same secret desire, find each other? This is perhaps the most daunting question a new swinger finds him or herself confronted with. On the surface, they’re all identical, but behind the eyes which dart about, sometimes making eye contact, other times doing everything possible to avoid it, a few of those, possibly many, who pass us by during our daily life, share the same secret we do…the desire for something more than the average sex life which was prescribed to us by our elders and social leaders without our consent. This knowledge only makes the frustration greater. How exactly do those with secrets find each other? The answer was both timely and ironic. When the brightest minds collaborated in the development of the internet, I seriously doubt this was the intent. However, intended or not, the internet has brought swinging out of the darkness and into the realm of reality and accessibility.
TO BE CONTINUED
Originally published at inside.quiver.us on December 23, 2015.